venting about my life isn't going to do shit for me. It doesn't even make me feel better. I have very complex problems. I've never been molested or raped like half the people on here, it seems.... I don't have such a definable problem like that! my parents split. Oh let's blame all the voices in my heads on my parents getting a divorce, right? WELL it's not like that. I must have just been born this way, and therefore, the only sollution would be to reverse being born. Which is dying. To correct behavioral problems you have to figure out what caused them and then undo it all. So my problem was being born and I have to undo it. I am not going to hell. Assuming there is one. No suicidals are going to hell except maybe the suicide bombers because they kill other people. And you know what? Suicide isn't selfish, but you'd only realize that if you were contemplating suicide yourself! I hate how much "information" about suicide there is. It's mostly made by people who don't know what it's like to believe their only CHOICE is to KILL THEMSELVES! It's not true! There are always other options, of course. I know it in the back of my mind. I would like to kill myself because there is just so much shit in it! I need drain-O for my life! To clear all of the shit out. No one knows me. Well one person does, but he rejected me after he realized how much was wrong with me. I'm a defect. No one wants me. I'm not asking anyone to want me anymore. I would simply appreciate it if people didn't think of me as a complete waste of space! I hate it! My own father told me that I should kill myself. I didn't kill myself. But I felt like I should just so he would feel bad. Now I want to kill myself for a different reason. Because I don't see a future. I see myself 50 years down the line being some drug addict. Or dead from a drunk driving accident. Because i'm stupid and careless like that. I'm just destined for more mistakes. And that's all i can write because i'm crying too hard. My life is awesome. it's me that is all wrong and ruined forever. Nothing can correct these mistakes I've made! and i'm not so old, so everyone older than me can basically tell me, "There's still hope! You're so young!" WELL GUESS WHAT! I should be hopeful, but I am NOT! And when you are so young and hopeless...that is the point when you realize that life has got to end now. Because it shouldn't be wasted on me. It all started because one day I looked into the mirror and I found myself very ugly. It started out so shallow and superficial. And now it has nothing to do with that. I wish i only cared about looks and stuff. I miss those days. I'm going to be successful at killing myself one of these days. I hate that.