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Suicidals go to Hell

Posted by Madeline at June 28, 2011
Tags: 2011 June  Philosophical

venting about my life isn't going to do shit for me. It doesn't even make me feel better. I have very complex problems. I've never been molested or raped like half the people on here, it seems.... I don't have such a definable problem like that! my parents split. Oh let's blame all the voices in my heads on my parents getting a divorce, right? WELL it's not like that. I must have just been born this way, and therefore, the only sollution would be to reverse being born. Which is dying. To correct behavioral problems you have to figure out what caused them and then undo it all. So my problem was being born and I have to undo it. I am not going to hell. Assuming there is one. No suicidals are going to hell except maybe the suicide bombers because they kill other people. And you know what? Suicide isn't selfish, but you'd only realize that if you were contemplating suicide yourself! I hate how much "information" about suicide there is. It's mostly made by people who don't know what it's like to believe their only CHOICE is to KILL THEMSELVES! It's not true! There are always other options, of course. I know it in the back of my mind. I would like to kill myself because there is just so much shit in it! I need drain-O for my life! To clear all of the shit out. No one knows me. Well one person does, but he rejected me after he realized how much was wrong with me. I'm a defect. No one wants me. I'm not asking anyone to want me anymore. I would simply appreciate it if people didn't think of me as a complete waste of space! I hate it! My own father told me that I should kill myself. I didn't kill myself. But I felt like I should just so he would feel bad. Now I want to kill myself for a different reason. Because I don't see a future. I see myself 50 years down the line being some drug addict. Or dead from a drunk driving accident. Because i'm stupid and careless like that. I'm just destined for more mistakes. And that's all i can write because i'm crying too hard. My life is awesome. it's me that is all wrong and ruined forever. Nothing can correct these mistakes I've made! and i'm not so old, so everyone older than me can basically tell me, "There's still hope! You're so young!" WELL GUESS WHAT! I should be hopeful, but I am NOT! And when you are so young and hopeless...that is the point when you realize that life has got to end now. Because it shouldn't be wasted on me. It all started because one day I looked into the mirror and I found myself very ugly. It started out so shallow and superficial. And now it has nothing to do with that. I wish i only cared about looks and stuff. I miss those days. I'm going to be successful at killing myself one of these days. I hate that.


Votes:


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Comments:
By at 30,Jul,11 14:53

Reading your story was like reading my life story. We are so similar I can't believe it. I wish to die too. But I'm too chickenshit to do it. Also I don't want to make my parents suffer because they are good people. After the death of my second parent I will most likely do it. If I don't do it I will live as a very poor man and lonely too. No wife (no girl has ever loved me in the past 12 years), no children and no future, I dont even have any friends. I have a brother but he hates me because I'm so different from other people. Knowing that my brother hates me was a hard blow for me but I took it and no matter how much he hates me I can't hate him back. I wish I never was born. Because I will rather be nothingness, than to spend all eternity in hell Wouldn't you agree?
By anonymous at 05,Aug,11 23:10

I know it's not easy for you, but I'm praying that G-d will bring you hope. Trust me, my life is not easy - my house is condemned b/c of a fire. I can't afford to keep paying my mortgage and have no clue where I will be living next month, but I believe that G-d loves me and he loves you too. He has a purpose for your life. Check this cite out http://www.lifewithoutlimbs.org/


By anonymous at 30,Jul,11 16:52

well I'm having a rough time too. But don't give up there are people like us, don't give in and let them win. Because the end could be that, the end. The misery might be over but the things you do look forward although dismal could be lost forever. Especially if there is no everafter. I've thought of suicide before myself, but existing beats not existing. I've been beaten down by a town, called names on a daily basis. I still look forward to the small things, even though its rough. Look for a hiding spot, read a book, listen to music, draw a picture. It helps.


By anonymous at 31,Jul,11 11:39

Suicides indeed go to Hell. Have you ever heard of violence against oneself?


By anonymous at 01,Aug,11 21:13

Life is tough that's no lie and lots of people feel the same way. i believe if you really just opened yourself up to a larger range of people you'd find people aren't always as bad as they seem. many will hurt you, but i believe most of that is because they are just as hurt inside as you. i'm a first hand account of that. It is completely up to you to take this pain you feel and turn it into rage for a bit and once you get the rage from the depth of you out turn that shit into you ambition and remind yourself constantly that your not the only one and what you do could change the lifes of other but that's up too you. Try to think of life in a different way possible and if it doesn't work change that way. i work 3 jobs, write music and still feel useless but eventually i hope to find iner piece and beat this demon dragging m down


By anonymous at 03,Aug,11 22:10

I feel your pain b/c i have been having simuliar conflicts going on in my head but i still have a spark of hope that keeps me going everyday because no one knows what the future holds and I don't want to take the coward's way out and commiting suicide b/c although my present is pretty miserable, my future might just turn out to be so much better than it is now.


By anonymous at 04,Aug,11 13:44

live your life not your parents dont focus on all that shit thats what makes your life harder their failures riftdream7@gmail


By anonymous at 05,Aug,11 22:01

I implore you to print out what you have written here and bring it to the emergency room. You sound like you are in serious danger of killing yourself. I speak from experience: with medication and/or talk therapy you CAN feel happiness one day. And if you kill yourself, you won't get a chance to feel happy and I guarantee you will absolutely devastate at least dozens of people, some that you would never even imagine would care, beyond all belief. they will carry the burden of the pain that you are feeling for a very very long time. the grief that you will leave them with will be the worst and most complex type. they will be wracked with guilt and questions and sadness that they weren't good enough to help you in your darkest hour. and when they aren't blaming themselves--this in the midst of a terrifying grief and shock due to your untimely death-they will start to blame others in an unfair way. If you can't get help for you-please do it if you give even the tiniest shit for anyone else.


By anonymous at 05,Aug,11 23:11

I hope you didn't quit. God has a plan for your life. Check out how this guy born without limbs is making a difference in people's lives
http://www.lifewithoutlimbs.org/
By anonymous at 14,Nov,11 15:28

damn that nigga aint got no limbs at all !


By anonymous at 06,Aug,11 20:23

Please don't give up. We love you. You're beautiful in your way God makes no mistakes. My life sucks too... that's probably why we are all on here. But don't give in. PLEASE!
By anonymous at 15,Nov,11 20:44

Just shut up
By anonymous at 15,Nov,11 20:45

I love u
By anonymous at 15,Nov,11 20:49 Fold Up

No


By at 07,Aug,11 05:49

I do have some of the similar conflicts as you. My life hasnt' been the best and well i keep telling were all here for a purpose, a place in life. I haven't found it yet but one day i will.....


By anonymous at 20,Aug,11 13:19

Right now I want to use the 'Obliviate spell' (Harry potter) on my parents, and on everyone who loves me. I want everyone to forget me. I dont want my parents to suffer because of my mistakes.
I cannot die, I cannot live. I wish I was never born. :(

I know one day I will leave everything and everyone and become a Buddhist monk.


By anonymous at 15,Nov,11 20:48

.
By anonymous at 15,Nov,11 20:51

.


By at 26,Nov,11 14:50

Cheers pal. I do apprecitae the writing.


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