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Can't wait to die

Posted by anonymous at June 29, 2011
Tags: 2011 June  Money  Relationship

I'm 50 with two kids aged 12 - twins. My partner for the last 16 years recently told me to leave and so I am doing things by myself which I hate and having to compete with my ex-partner for the affections of my kids. Tell me - wouldn't it have been better for us to actually try to talk to each other before we (she) said "right that's it". And please tell me how all of this is better? Who benefits? My ex-partner obviously, because there is something so very wrong with me. And, can anyone please tell me what there is to look forward to as a single parent when you're 50, barely able to make ends meet at the end of the month. I am constantly living in fear of birthdays, holidays and Christmas because that is when I have to dig into the savings. The one thing that I'm hoping is that death isn't too far away. bring it on. The sooner the better so that I don't have to continue with this tedious existance


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Comments:
By at 16,Aug,11 18:12

Since nobody has said anything. I will.
You need to quit acting like a kid yourself. You are 50! I thought with age comes wisdom. Guess not.
I was raised by a single father since birth. Was left w/ 32 cents seriously! But life is about learning and over coming things that cause fear. You're afraid of being alone huh? He died 8 months ago at age 55. There will be struggling moments but that's life.
What about the joy youth could bring if you allowed yourself to open up to it. I'm sorry to say this but you seem to be a selfish, ungrateful downer.
Why should you have to COMPETE for affection? Kids need all the love they can get. Sounds like you and your partner need to come together for the sake of not raising more screwed up kids.
I hope you find happiness before you die.


By anonymous at 18,Aug,11 04:35

My suggestion is to give to your children what you do have. If you love them then give them that. Who cares about what you cant give them?


By anonymous at 18,Sep,11 22:11

Be a father, teachrs your kids about God, love, and how to make a living. Take care of your hard earned money. If you are good to your kids they will love you not matter what. As they get older they will see the truth. Be strong take care of your slef. Go to church give faith a chance.


By anonymous at 22,Jul,12 23:17

I was raped by my father when I was 2, my mother holds me responsibe. I wa bullied pretty much all my life. And no matter how much I try to see the bright side ppl just keep bringing me down. I've been asking to die since I was 10. I am now 25. I have a child hes 2..and some how I've become a baby sitter to him..his father acts like I'm tryin to kill my son just because I put him in time out when hes bad everyone contradicts me. No one wants me to be close to him...I'd leave but I have no place to go...and when ppl are nice to me I don't know if its because they feel sorry for me and I can't trust them all I have in this life is music...i have no reason to live...I've tried seeing the brighter side tried smiling but its not real..I'm not happy ever I constantly have pneumonia and have to take pills..if I'm dead I won't feel pain and I won't cry anymore. Nobody wants me here anyways that is all.


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By anonymous at 22,Feb,15 03:34

What a boat to be sailing on, it seems our boat is not lonely at all, I am in there with you, It takes ages to accept a marriage break down, your 52 now and so much has triggered emotions, I understand completely. What you feel is similar to so many including me.
My partner has destroyed me, the interaction with my siblings is untenable, If I am lucky to see them twice a year, and I never miss a birthday or xmas, I ensure they receive cards and presents and the like, sometimes via extended family members I still maintain contact with.
I hope your experience is unlike mine and that the ex maintains a civil approach.
I hope you go forward and find positives inn your life, I struggle though and can understand why you want life to end, I also have these feelings, unfortunately often, but I try to consider what the alternatives to HURT would be. I understand that this is a struggle and sometimes I feel hopeless also, using your savings should not be an issue as this will drive you to either improve thyself to ensure it can be ongoing, I hope this is true.
For my story though you will need to respond here on how you are coping, I am not attempting to offer help but an ear if needed.
Good that you are at least at a point of discussion,


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