Born from parents with depression issues. Pops left when I was about 5 or so. I used to find liquor bottles "hidden" all over the house. Been beat up a few times no one was there to help me ( I'm an only child) a loner. Never got to really bond with anybody my age as such because I was always moving around. So here I am with a beautiful wife 2 children. No job, no prospects of getting a job (economy),
Wife is not working, shes on unemployment. Seems like all the desisions I make are the wrong ones. I had a job that was paying the bills while tuning me into a pint( most times more) a day alcoholic. It was killing me to work at that place. I stuck it out for 2 or so years because I had to feed my family. But it got to the point where I had to send myself home due to intoxication and not remembering how I got home a few nights. Nobody understood what I was/am going through. They say stick it out, what will there be left of me by the time something else rolls along? a drunk? So I quit. No money, I'm "Happy" cause Im not at that miserable place, but now everybody else is looking at me like I'm a crazy selfish fool.
suicide has crossed my mind, but I have to much love for my family to put them through that. I also thought about taking a loooong walk to where ever and just waiting for my day. I left out a lot of stuff, but this is where I am today.....
LIFE REALLY SUCKS. Only thing I see is tragedy day after day after day. If all I have to look forward to is more struggle and very brief glimpses of happiness, I really am read to give up on this.
Whats the point?