my story,
Even on my first day of school in 1995 (I'm now 21) i knew i wasn't cut out for the social scene, as if predicting the future the next 10 yrs were a living hell. I was bullied emotionally and physically almost every day of my school life for no reason i could understand. I prayed for a day i could get through without being taunted or attacked but that rarely happened, and not much has changed since then.
I'm not overweight, and would consider myself to be decent looking so i know i haven't been picked on for those reasons, yet those attributes haven't helped me find a girlfriend or indeed any friends for that matter. The only friends I've ever had always end up abandoning me in the end which really does hurt considering i invest a lot of time and effort into them. I really dont know what people think of me when i talk to them but I've been told im funny, smart and "nice", but that's probably BS. I stayed away form drugs and alcohol for as long as i could but eventually i gave up. Whats the point in being sober if it means constant agony?.
I just get the feeling that everyone has it better than me, most of my "friends" are in relationships and have a great social lives yet there actual character is no better than mine. As if to make matters worse i dont even have a family i can depend upon and spend most of my days smoking weed and sitting at my computer in the hope that i may one day have an epiphany that might shake me out of this depression. I could write a book about all the injustices I've suffered in life but I wouldn't want to waste anyone's time so let me close by saying that to those who feel as i feel not to give up!, keep living in your dream world if it makes you happy and keeps you from killing yourself because the truth is WE are the TRUE individuals on this planet and for that reason alone, life is worth living | |
i am sure you still see that years at your dreams(nigth mares) what ever you are so young and you have the power to do what you want .
frist of all fall in love wih sth and dedicate your life to it.
i ve fell in love with physics(science) and dedicated my life to it.
u should find sth too . its the only solution.
You know what men and women are like beneath the mask of politeness, why desire a 'social' life?
Read Schopenhauer, Kant and buddhist scripture. Stay away from drugs and porn. They'll just make you even more miserable in the long term.
Yeah, they are sermons, but even if you aren't religious, I think they point out some of the thoughts that aren't helpful and keep you depressed and wasting time. It sounds like you've got time, so next time you are sober, give them a listen. They will, at the very least, get you thinking. That might lead to an epiphany. This is seriously the best thing I can give you.
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