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Life...

Posted by EpidemicOf-pain at July 5, 2011
Tags: Attitude  Family  2011 July  Relationship

So I'm 20, been a virgin all my life, I've never had a boyfriend, simply because I have a low self esteem. Well.. I started falling for a wrong guy, who's way older than me, he's 37...he has a wife, and two kids...and he took my virginity. I don't regret it though,simply because I think some things are bound to happen, and I should move on with my life, not dwell on the mistakes I've made..though I'm scared...scared that..maybe I'm HIV positive.. although I do regret falling in love with him, I feel like he's using me, and all that I'm good for is sex...

I have a 24 year old sister, who's really kind and sweet, always scared to express her self. She's pregnant, and at the same time HIV positive, and her boyfriend is HIV negative, she got the disease from my grandmother..I assume. Now the boyfriend doesn't love her as much as he did before...

I have a 40 year old mother...who's been a domestic worker all her life...she's tired of it now, and I wanna help, but the thing is..I'm studying, what if I graduate and don't get a job?

Life sucks after all...really always scared, always depressed..wishing I could just die, commit suicide and get it over with...but I don't wanna go to hell..I'm tired of life. really.


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By anonymous at 20,Jul,11 12:10

I feel sorry for your sister. I just want to say, you are a good girl, with prospects of a good life ahead of you. Please just dump this cheating motherfucker you're currently sleeping with. Have hope for the future. Hope gives life.


By anonymous at 12,Aug,11 19:46

Your mentioning a fear of hell makes me think that you would be open to some sermons. They changed my life, in general. If I had never heard them, I would still be depressed: So if you have a free hour-and-a-half, turn these on, close your eyes, and listen:http://sermons2.redeemer.com/sermons/man-king-delights-honor
http://sermons2.redeemer.com/sermons/sickness-unto-death

And, of course, DON'T commit suicide, because it gets better. When you are in a better place emotionally, go get tested for HIV.

And dump that mofo.


By anonymous at 12,Aug,11 21:00

i implore you to print out what you have written here and bring it to the emergency room. You sound like you are in serious danger of killing yourself. I speak from experience: with medication and/or talk therapy you CAN feel happiness one day. And if you kill yourself, you won't get a chance to feel happy and I guarantee you will absolutely devastate at least dozens of people, some that you would never even imagine would care, beyond all belief. they will carry the burden of the pain that you are feeling for a very very long time. the grief that you will leave them with will be the worst and most complex type. they will be wracked with guilt and questions and sadness that they weren't good enough to help you in your darkest hour. and when they aren't blaming themselves--this in the midst of a terrifying grief and shock due to your untimely death-they will start to blame others in an unfair way. If you can't get help for you-please do it if you give even the tiniest shit for anyone else.


By anonymous at 25,Aug,11 06:47

what a damn, better commit suicide


By Jim at 07,Jan,12 22:47

There's nothing after death, because you never really die. I'm not going to go into my beliefs but hear me out. You should probably turn your life towards a different road. Suicide hurts more than a shitty life ever will. Depression is a state of mind, it can be turned on and off easier than most people think. I would suggest leaving, start over somewhere else. You can keep in contact with your family if you'd like, but anyways you need to get away from that environment. Get something called morals gain some values I'm not going to dog too much on this but if someone's married and has kids you probably shouldn't spoil their family by sleeping with the husband. What's done is done time to move on. Join the military or something, it's far better and easier than what a lot of people think and you'll gain a lot of respect for yourself and others. Then use the military to your full advantage, use the GI bill, go to college, meet someone you might want to settle down with, save money, get married, get a dog, buy a house, have kids do whatever you want, as long as you make a good lasting impression on the world around you.


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