I'm 16 year old boy and before middle school I was happy with my body I honestly didn't care that I was over wight with long eye lashes, big lips, a lisp, fucked up teeth, kankles, and I sucked at all subjects other then writing. But the the shit storm that was middle school changed all that. The fucking hell hole was nothing but being called fat ass and a fag. I tried to find a safe place where I was safe, I tried foot ball and a was ok I guess but I looked around and saw that EVERY ONE was a fucking waste of life they were all dicks to my friends and my fellow freaks. so I quit. I got tones shit for that. So I joined theater, I loved it and I'm told I'm really good at acting. But no the fucking universe decided that I couldn't be happy. The drama department was used to try and make one of those wastes of life I was talking about and making them a better person. IT DIDN'T WORK. all that did was give them even more time to make me feel like a fucking piece of shit that shouldn't be here that I didn't belong any where. That since I was fatt I would never be happy. That even though I dint care that I was kinda fat, in order to be liked by any one ells I had to loose wight, start being a dick to my fellow freaks, quit theater and join football. I did not want to do this, they would bot win. FUCK THEM AND FUCK THE WORLD. I did so for all three years. I felt good about myself for a while. But then my parents decided that love wasn't working so they split. I had to choose between an ass hole father who loved me and wanted me too do well in school and even though he made me feel like shit he really cared but still was strict and a mom who was really fun and loved me. She wasn't big on rules so the house went fucking he'll. As if that wasn't stress full enough I'm starting the fresh he'll that is mother fucking high school. It's starting all over agin. ALL THE SAME BULL SHIT I GOT PASSED IN MIDDLE SCHOOL!! I'm not that attractive but that dosnt mean I can't fucking feel. I understand that we all get rejected but not like this and not this often. It was usually met with a scuff and fuck no. Like I was trash. I wasn't even asking them out I just told them that I liked them, THAT'S IT!! Because in order to be in a relationship I had to have these things: a steady stream of money, a car, and i needed to stop hating myself. Back then and even now I had none of those things. But it still hurt to know that I'll be alone for ever. I don't what to do. I'm scared that this won't go away that I'll drown in my own hate. I don't even have god to ask for help( for reasons not related to my problems) WHAT THE FUCK AM I GOING TO DO????? | |
If you like music you can learn an instrument and write your own songs. It helps a lot with all this hate-thing.
Good luck!
reading your post I see that most of your problems are because you are fat, is that correct? Well, being fat is not some preset, default state that you can't change. You put as though you are fat, and you hate it ery much and there is nothing to be done about it. I don't understand that. I have a deformity that is not very appealing and can only be fixed with an invasive, quite expensive, very painful, and long recovery and therapy requiring surgical operation. IF I could afford it, I would fix myself right away, but I just can't. All you have to do is stop eating (stopping isn't even necessary, or advisable for that matter, just reduce your portions somewhat), and hit the gym, start cycling or whatever (jogging is not a good weight loss exercise by the way, it's more of a weight gain prevention measure) and in a year or so no one will be able to tell you were fat a year ago when they see you. It's that simple. Now get moving, good luck!
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