I am 46 years old. I was married but we split 6 years ago and got divorced this year. Our kids are b22, b20 & g14. The youngest is home with me. The eldest, who I thought I was close to, decided to move into his gran's, my ex mother in law & I really don't know why other than he said he didn't want to be here. My youngest son moved home last week after 3 years at university & has spent more time with his dad and Gran than with me. I don't think he even likes me anymore. I don't know what I have done wrong with my boys. We used to be so close. I brought them up to be independent & sociable but now they completely exclude me. Since I split with ex I have had no real relationship. The only men I seem to meet are either married or just want sex. I had a good job until a month after ex moved out. I then went to university & have spent the last 6 years studying for LL.B & LL.M degrees but I have no job and no money other than lousy benefits. In March my brother died after a 6 year battle with cancer. His wife also has terminal cancer & I take her to hospital 3 days a week. A few days before my brother died, I fell downstairs and broke my back. I now walk with a stick & have put weight on. I now feel totally unattractive & don't go out other than to take sister in law to hospital or visit parents.
I miss my brother. I miss my eldest son. I miss the closeness of having someone to share things with. I just want to be loved and feel secure. I am fed up of having no money to do anything. I am so lonely.