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Posted by simini at July 12, 2011
Tags: Attitude  2011 July

I just want to get this off my chest, but where to start.
My parents divorced a few years ago, they both have new partners at the moment, and they consume all their time. They say me and my brothers and sister matter the most, but fuck that, anytime they can they rush off to those asses.
And my mother's boyfriend is married, so I'm really dissapointed in her for that, especially since his wife has been very ill.
I always pretend to be very happy around people, and it works out almost every time, but on the inside I feel misunderstood. I feel like people look at me but they don't understand where I'm coming from. Not even my parents do.
That's so frustrating. I hate my life, I think I am depressed, even though I can be very happy and positive, but it's just especially when I'm tired or when things don't work out, I get stuck inside my own negative thoughts. I don't have a boyfriend, never really had one, though I've had several crushes.
They never like me. The only thing I want at the moment is to be on an island, with just me and my music, NOTHING ELSE. Fuck all those people who pretend to care about you and then walk away from you or stab you in the back. FUCK this life. FUCK depression. FUCK society for making you feel like a piece of SHIT.
I've never been happy for more then two weeks, then someone screws me over and I feel like I never should have been born at all. Why can't life be good to you? Fuck this situation. I know you people already have enough on your mind I just wanted to get this out of my head, at least do an attempt.


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By anonymous at 23,Aug,11 11:20

No one will ever completely understand the way you are because you are purely unique. Focus on a positive goal for your future and tune out the negative people in your life. Most of all be wary of those who promise you the world and are easily trusted because they present the most danger. Once you put your faith in someone, they have power over you and can manipulate you to any means. I counted down the days I would leave my family home, but I didn't move out with some boyfriend or bunch of friends because no matter how much I care for them or they for me, people can let you down. You don't have to be alone or afraid of people, just make sure that you are independent and can stand alone if needed. I gave myself 7 months after graduating high school to move out and I did it in 3. I'm 21, have custody of my next oldest sibling, and have a loving, but frustating boyfriend. I also have a fulfilling job and budding career. I haven't reached all the goals in my life, but I'm still striving and I know I will be content as long a I am the master of my fate. Good luck! God bless!

By anonymous at 25,Aug,11 11:20

I think I understand you, because I was in a similar situation where parents divorced and they don't seem to care about you. At some point I realized that no one really loved and protected me. When your early environment isn't safe it leads to emotional distress later in life. It is clear to me from your post that you did not get what you needed to reach a healthy adulthood. That sucks. But your parents did not intentionally harm you, they have so many issues themselves that they could not, cannot, give you what you need. Pain such as yours is difficult to overcome, but the younger you are the better your chance for a complete change. The other comment has good points about relying on others. The truth is we are only whole and free if we come to some peace and understanding within ourselves. NO OTHER PERSON can do it for you, can make you who you wish you were. BUT YOU CAN do it yourself. Try reading a book called The Solution by Laurel Mellin.

By anonymous at 25,Aug,11 19:17

Good for you by typing and getting it outta your head. I can't help you in any way and would never try as I cannot be trusted cus I'm a have more guts and strength than most to at least be honest and put it down.....not sure how long the internet will last nor care...but you've made a difference. Look forward just a couple of days at a time and see what happens...the past can't be changed (how I wish it could be). Best wishes.

By anonymous at 20,Jan,12 04:06

Simini I can relate to you... I actually only realized what a pathetic fuck I am now. My parents don't understand me. I feel like giving up my dreams in life. I' like to get a chance and talk to you. Possible?

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