I am in my mid twenties... and I am still trying to figure out my life and what I'm good at. One of my parents passed away when I was fourteen or so and I haven't really got to grieve over it properly. My friends are no where to be found... and no one will call me or care enough to see if I'm even still alive unless I make the first step to do it.
The job I have now is a job I am always scared of losing because my boss absolutely hates me and it's just a matter of when. I use this job as a way out whenever people ask me what I do... so in a way... it "defines me". I can tell people I do this... and shut them up.
If I lose this job... I really just want my life to end because I have no where to go and no where else to turn. I have a useless degree and going back to university or college for another one at this time in my life is hopeless. Everyone else around me is in a career they love... but everything I decide to go to and anything I touch seems to crumble or fail. I am not the jealous type, but I get upset and frustrated with myself because I still haven't figured out what I'm good at and what I'm supposed to do with this crap of a life. People always criticize me and tell me how useless I am all the time, how I am a failure in life and how unsuccessful I am comparative to all the doctors and professionals in my family. Certain people in my life have told me how insignificant I am... and how much they really care about me by saying things like "i don't love you" and "i don't consider you my child". These things, among other things have emotionally scarred me... and makes me question what it is like to have a family that actually loves me unconditionally.
I also always get myself into trouble in terms of relationships, I tend to trust people way too easily and end up getting hurt. I hate feeling this way, feeling worthless and shit, having no real purpose or hope to go on with life. I once had dreams about having a fantastic life, friends and career... but really... for me, doesn't look like it's going to happen.
Everything about my life sucks, from relationships or lack thereof, to my career. All my life, this is what I've learned so far is that no one really gives a shit about you. That life and the people around you whether you like it or not, whether you can handle it, goes on, with or without you. People will say "stop being so self-pitying, negative, needy, desperate.. etc.etc. and to get over it".
My response is... I've tried to work on myself... and I know I need to pull my shit together and work harder... but honestly.. I want to give up. I'm so tired of trying and getting absolutely nowhere... I'm so tired of proving myself to people who really don't give a shit about me anyways... proving to people who never fully supported me in my self-discovery or my dreams...
I just want it all to end... I really have nothing to look forward to anymore and sometimes wonder why the hell I'm here and why on earth I was put on this stupid earth. If I could end it, I would, but I'm just too damn scared and so damn useless. | |
SPEAK ENGLISH WITH AN ACCENT FOR A DAY.....INTERRESTING...
CANADIAN WOMEN ARE :
-SELF-ABSORBED
-SELF-INDULGENT
-SELF-CENTERED
-SELF-ISH
-JUST PLAIN IGNORANT
SUCKERING FOREIGN EXPERTISE INTO THIS COUNTRY ONLY TO HAVE THEM WORK AS CLEANERS OR TAXI DRIVERS.
FUCK YOU CANADA, LIARS AND XENOPHOBIC WHITE ENGLISH SPEAKERS.
BOW DOWN TO THE BRITISH CROWN< CANADIAN SERFS!
Stay away from toxic people, even if they are related to you. You do not have to stay in touch with people who are cruel and demeaning to you. Really.
You're still very young (even if you don't think so) and have the majority of your life ahead of you. Your situation can change dramatically, so get busy and be prepared for the opportunities that will be coming your way and the people you'll be meeting. Learn new skills, volunteer your time with a local charity, start a new hobby. The more interesting and satisfying your life is to you, the greater your confidence you will become, and that is attractive to others.
In the meantime, try to find joy in the little things in life--a beautiful flower, someone's smile, hearing a child's laughter, listening to music, reading a good book, a sunny sky... Taking the time to absorb and enjoy these small moments can make life worth living. You have a lot of freedom to make your own choices to create the life you want to live. Don't be afraid to try. You have as much right to have a good life as anyone else. And don't let other people fool you into thinking their lives are perfect. Most people are struggling with trouble of one kind or another but hide their pain from most people.
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