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People think my life isn't bad??? try living it!

Posted by Noone at July 18, 2011
Tags: Attitude  Childhood  2011 July

To all those who said my life isn't THAT bad, try being an orphan at 9 (mom died of a brain tumor when i was 2 and dad of lung cancer when i was 9) with a sexually abusive cousin (among others, but he was the prominent one), a step mom who beat me, in and out of the system til I was 18. Not to mention that one of my brothers "accidentally" shot himself in the head (I was 8, he was in his 20's), another died in a fire (I was 12, he was 32) and the third of pancreatic cancer (in 2005, he was 45). My sister died of an overdose last august, 8 1/2 months pregnant and took the kid with her (she was 44 and left behind 6 children). Oh and NOW, i no longer have my dead end job, I was fired from it and can't find another one, i can't collect unemplyment because i was fired and can't get welfare because I'm "able" to work. The doctors wont give me a note to get diability (ibs/anxiety disorder). I have psychotic raging tantrums when I can't find stuff. So bad that last week, i ended up in the hospital after threatening to take a bottle of pills because i lost my bag of pot, I was escorted out by police to be strapped into an ambulance and the WHOLE neighbouhood saw me being towed away.

At 30 years old, I'm left with serious intimacy issues, so that leaves me with no friends, no hope of being in a normal relationship and the fact that I'm gonna die alone. Ever since I was born, i was cursed to be miserable. Don't get me wrong, I know that misery is apparently a "choice" ppl make, but trust me, I've tried to be happy. Seen shrinks, took the fucking stupid useless pills they gave me without success. I talked to hundreds of poeple but noone can help me. I've tried dealing with all of this by myself and every time i start to feel better and see the light at the end, it gets ripped out from under me, someone else dies, i lose yet another job, lose another friend, all things out of my control. i have no control of my life and can't be happy until i do (but never will cause u can't control when ppl die - and death is innevitable)

Basically I'm afraid of getting close to anyone for fear that they will abuse me, use me, die on me or just plain old hurt me. I'm fuckin lonely and the worst part is that noone cares, i'm sitting here rotting from the inside out alone and it just makes everything that much worse. Whenever I think I'm getting over my past, something happens and i not only have to deal with the issue/tragedy at hand, but every other tragedy that happened before, i go through it all over again. It constantly gets brought up, why can't I get over it???? Can anyone help?


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Comments:
By anonymous at 26,Aug,11 09:10

i had sex w/ my left hand
By anonymous at 27,Aug,11 21:23

WOW YOUR A DICK.
By anonymous at 23,Jan,12 01:09 Fold Up

a==hole


By anonymous at 26,Aug,11 09:11

while listening to your story
By anonymous at 06,Sep,11 13:38

what the fuck is wrong with people get help buddy


By anonymous at 26,Aug,11 20:05

Have you turned to God? I mean really turned to Him and put your trust and faith in Him? Crap happens no matter what and unfortunately you have to deal with it. The Bible tells us that all things are possible for those who are in Christ Jesus. All you have to do is ask and believe. It's not a perfect fix but if you try to do things God's way then things are only bound to get better. Everyone has bad crap happen to them and just about everyone feels lonely and that no one cares. People do care you just have to look for them in the right place.
By anonymous at 30,Aug,11 20:16

The bible is a load of shit buddy
By anonymous at 16,Nov,11 12:32

I agree, you idiot bible thumpers make me laugh. Almost every story has a comments section with something about Jesus this or God that.

None of that exists. We are no different then flies buzzing around a pile of shit, sure we arent flies and have a higher quality of life then them, but essentially we have the same outcome waiting for us.

The only reason religion has any sort of success is because people are so arrogant they have a hard time accepting that one day they will 100% absolutely be DEAD.


By anonymous at 27,Aug,11 02:16

That "people choose to be happy" line is bullshit. If being happy was simply a choice, then everyone would be happy. It's spouted to give people an imaginary sense of control over their lives that they don't actually have. The truth is all you can do is try your best, hope for the best, and whatever happens.


By anonymous at 27,Aug,11 09:16

"i can't collect unemplyment because i was fired"... that's completely false. You can certainly collect unemployment after being fired. You should immediately get online and file a claim or go to the unemployment office. I was once fired for calling out of work, another time my company "downsized" and both times I was able to collect unemployment.

Other than that I'm sorry for your losses, you've definitely had a difficult life. I hope things improve for you. God bless.


By anonymous at 27,Aug,11 17:09

ı know what you mean. i understand but it was my parents choice to leave me my boyfriends my friends and everyone who i loved you know why because i loved too much..yeah i hate breathing


By anonymous at 28,Aug,11 10:47

Just put your blinkers on go forward its the only way and try to get out of whatever you are wich are holding you nack now.You can turn away from it.Just be posetive and just do your best every day and set yourself an target to work to.See if you can make it.Later on you will sucseed and you can become a exaple to the guys wich also want to turn around friends!!!


By anonymous at 28,Aug,11 19:01

You're crippling yourself with things you'll never recognise if you don't change things and strip down your life. If you try grabbing it by the balls it'll be hard work but before long you're just doing it and you've changed your life. Eat well and exercise like everybody says to and keep your health some bit I order. Then instead of trying to control your uncontrollable life maybe take it somewhere where the point is you don't have control. If you can get another job save up to leave the country and have an adventure. Try and create new situations so you don't have to associate every negative experience with every other one that's happened. Life's hard but sometimes it's worthwhile, try aiming for those things. Good luck to you.
By anonymous at 16,Nov,11 12:33

How about I just grab your balls and rip them off?


By anonymous at 29,Aug,11 00:41

I wish I could give you a big hug.


By anonymous at 29,Aug,11 01:09

Read the secret and the power written by Rhonda Byrne ,just do as the book says and ur life will change,because it is never too late to change your life ,you can change your life for the better forever , I have been using the secret for five months and my life is way better ,I'm getting better grades more memories ,a much better summer holiday and I hang out with more friends you should move to a new country and start a new life,cuz u can change your life by changing your mentality and the way you feel and think good luck wish you all the best mate!


By anonymous at 04,Sep,11 09:14

Maybe. I say jus forget about the past. Things happen my mom is a whore but o well. Use it as motivation. U gonna let weezy f baby rule the country i mean cmon look how stupid he is. Any1 can grab a mike n rhyme so like ya enuff about him look here i figgered it out !! See, oprah got raped at a yung age n had all sortzs things happen 2 her but she made it !! U no Y she made it? She follwed the path of love !! Ur life is lead by fear u said ursrlf fear of rejection er sumthin idk wat u said cuz im typing and i cant look over it again ! Fear has love. Errrything has love. Even evil is made of love (according 2 many books) so even if wat u plan 2 do seems outrageous like jus goin out m makin it all bettet in the blink of an eye, fuck it, watve we got 2 lose?


By anonymous at 05,Sep,11 11:54

Maybe go to therapy. Cry, be sad, be mad, and all the emotions that haven't fully come out of your life until now. Then pay someone to hug you until your inner child feels loved


By anonymous at 07,Sep,11 16:58

You caused yourself to be wheeled out in an ambulance. You chose to freak out. You need to gain control of yourself and observe yourself when you are about to freak out, and stop yourself before you make an idiot out of yourself. You are acting like it is this horrible thing that the neighborhood saw you flip out, but you chose to do everything that led up to that.

Other people in your family dieing doesn't have much to do with you. You didn't cause it, it happened and it is what it is so just move on.

I know, life sucks. It is an unpleasant world, but being a pot smoking mental case doesn't help matters. I have never met a pot smoker that wasn't a degenerate of some kind.
By anonymous at 25,Sep,11 08:54

Dude, I smoke pot everyday, my bills are paid, i eat well, I have a $40,000 a yr job now and a wonderful man in my life, I am not a degenerate.
By anonymous at 16,Nov,11 12:35

That may be, but its still a stupid habit. The point is look at how many people smoke pot regularly and then look at how many of them are actually a "success" bet alot more arent that are. Thats the point.


By anonymous at 08,Nov,11 15:14

Sorry for your pain ,you can not live in fear .Just get out there and make the life you want ,you can do it ,don't depend on anyone ,just set ur mind to what it is and go get it ..and smoke up not hurting anything or anyone .It got get better soon just take a day at a time you can do it !And god is real and has not forgot about you put faith in him !


By anonymous at 23,Jan,12 00:42

i agree thats sucky and yea your life like that just have to deal with the cards you have-----ugh i hate its that bad but others have it too trust me your not alone!!!!!!


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By anonymous at 20,Jul,13 21:05

May you find peace may the angels protect you and comfort you giving you that ability to understand you didn't go through that for nothing.I wudnt say it was neccesarry.but you can become a stronger person for yourself that's why things happen the way it goes but its for us to become who we want to in life.those situations are not nice to experience but there is always light on the other side.Tom van niekerk


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