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Life just hit like a ton of bricks.

Posted by Hope-less at July 19, 2011
Tags: 2011 July  Justice  Money

Have you ever lived a life that's already miserable, but then something big happens and you open your eyes and see how much your life truly sucks? I just did today. My husband got a letter from the federal courts today saying he has been indicted on counterfeit movie charges. he has to answer the indictment next Wednesday and he may not be coming home. he could get up to 5 years in federal prison, far from home. We have 2 small children, he's already on probation 5 years, once he's convicted, he could serve his original 5 years in prison on that when they revoke his probation. I'm in school full time at a for-profit college and i will be in over $20,000 debt for a degree no job will ever accept. my glasses are broke and i'm wearing contacts that are over a year old. gotta love risking an eye infection or even blindness. but what choice do i have? I need to see and i can't afford new glasses or contacts. my kids are just mean, disobedient brats, but i love them to death, so maybe I'm too soft on them. my house is in horrible condition with a blown out sewer pipe under the house, holes in the walls and windows, no ceiling at all in one room, no inside doors, leaky pipes, and the worst fucking cockroach, fly, and flea infestation, you could ever imagine. just one big, filthy, stinking, unsanitary shitpile. local charities won't help fix it because it's a mobile home. fuck the fact that we have 2 kids living in this hellhole. what can i do? I get an SSI check every month for $674 per month and that's our only income. that just covers the bills. i cant fix anything, that's why my husband sold bootleg movies. he's a severely dyslexic, 7 time convicted felon who graduated special ed, who the fuck would ever hire someone like that. even the vocational assistance programs won't touch him until he has no pending charges. we're out of food-stamps, out of cash and going out of our minds. my son's teacher is doing a home visit next month, and undoubtedly, my son will be starting kindergarten from foster care. my poor little girl fell asleep with a shitty diaper on because a whole bag of diapers just vanished. I don't know if anyone will ever read this, actually, I hope they won't. why tell me how fucked up of a person i am if i already know? I want to slit my wrists or take every pill in the house just to kill the pain. don't want to die, just want to hurt. i can't let the kids see that,though. So fuck all this shit and fuck everyone who says money doesn't buy love. Nope, it doesn't buy love, but it sure as fuck buys happiness. I don't even have a space-bar on my keyboard, so I have to go ALL the way back through and insert spaces with the on screen keyboard. Fuck everyone who thinks I'm a bad mother, if I could change things, I would, but how do I change it? leave my husband? I can't leave the father of my kids who I love dearly just because he can never provide. If I get a job, I'll lose the check and that's our only lifeline right now.I'm going to lose my husband and my babies. When I do,I will kill myself, because there will be nothing left to live for. have a nice day, glad I didn't post this shit on Facebook, only the darker corners of the internet (which I'm stealing)


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why go on October 5, 2011



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Comments:
By anonymous at 30,Aug,11 19:08

You must have a way of picking men. I bet in your past you turned down some nerdy man when you were young and now he is probably rich.
By anonymous at 03,Sep,11 21:22

nice way of being rude.
By anonymous at 08,Sep,11 14:50

Truth hurts.


By anonymous at 31,Aug,11 09:15

Try to find a glasses donation site or charity. There are charities that donate used glasses. My glasses are weaker than what they should be and I can't see entirely clear, but they are ok for now. Also you could get your glasses frames repaired for less than it costs to get new ones, you can also try to find sunglass or reading glass frames that will hold your lenses. Try going to a soup kitchen a few nights with your kids or try to find places that give out free groceries once a month to households in need. Shop for used clothes.I have a feeling your husband is not going to prison. God provides.


By anonymous at 31,Aug,11 22:04

WTF how do u afford a computer then?
By anonymous at 03,Sep,11 21:23

eff off.
By anonymous at 03,Sep,11 23:07 Fold Up

with internet??


By anonymous at 31,Aug,11 23:57

I get Social Security as well and will have to have my internet turned off in a few soon because I can't afford to keep it on. Here's a suggestion. Pray ask God/Jesus to help you out, let him know that you can't do this on your own. Unfortunatnley you and your family are suffering from bad decision.- reaping what's been sown however God is full of grace and mercy He already knowns that your faith is limited but ask him to help you increase your faith and your love for him. Clean yourself and your kids up. If your child is old enough to walk place him on toilet every 30 min or so. If not use rags or towels for diapers. Prayer for wisdom and direction. If your house is a filthy. work on cleaning at least one room and making the kids bed. contact operation blessing and see if they can help you out. also look for low income housing. you can send me an email If you want but once my internet is off I can only check message from the library which is open only 3 days a week. Judy fndnsolution@yahoo.com
By anonymous at 06,Sep,11 03:48

yeah so true dnt waste ur time prayin if god cared nobody would b in this position and if he truly knos all y the fuk would u hav to let him kno u need help shouldnt the all knoin merciful lovin god kno this and care lol christians and religious nuts, damn u dnt c how religion is just a money hungry cult created by a corrupt gov..like y is it the church can never get enough money god like gucci prod too?


By anonymous at 01,Sep,11 03:17

Ignore the retard above who suggests praying to God. God wants you to better yourself, not do it for you. besides, he's imaginary.

To my point;
You're my hero, OP. And just my type as well. For some reason your post came across like a dating ad on match.com with full honesty.

Actually I'm lying, your life is pretty fucked up. Give your kids to foster care, get a section 9, and avoid dating losers.


By anonymous at 01,Sep,11 13:02

"...that's why my husband sold bootleg movies. he's a severely dyslexic, 7 time convicted felon who graduated special ed, who the fuck would ever..."

fuck someone like that?
By anonymous at 03,Sep,11 21:23

:p


By anonymous at 01,Sep,11 13:58

Im really sorry to hear this and even though it sounds stupid, i hope you are ok. Not really sure what advice to offer you but go to a homeless shelter and you can get proper food there for you and your kids. all my love xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


By anonymous at 02,Sep,11 08:16

I have an idea look way above you like 3rd post down from the top theres a 30 year old virgin, whos smart and has a job, give him your email. Problem solved. Only I think he deserves better.
By anonymous at 06,Sep,11 12:34

listen to this advise the smartest thing i have read so far !!!! much props for whoever wrote this


By anonymous at 03,Sep,11 23:59

remember to live one day at a time..
maybe you could read some fantasy books...
I think I will since I am really depressed and lose myself in them
imagine...imagine....use your imagination, and stir with some positive hope...and I will pray for you


By anonymous at 04,Sep,11 09:02

I jus go 2 my happy place, go sum place else in ur mind m stay there it wont solvr ur prollems but i will. Hmm, see im smart but knt get out of my situation either, at least not yet. Glasses are at the 99c store. Hope theres one in ur area they are not perscription glasses but they are reading glasses that might help idk i mean i have 20/20 vision n i wear em driving so i dont have 2 see ppl hate on my music n i drive fine. Section 8 housing is a choice but sounds like ur housr is cheaper, maybe u can turn it into a homeless shelter and let homeless ppl livr in it and maybe theyll fix it up er sumthin but with kids thats a bit risky i no i love em n all but i tjink theyd be happuer in foster care theyre obviously not feelin u and u can live with all these homeless ppl and get satisfaction by helping eachothet 2 turn ur house into a home teamwork n i no money is hard 2 get since no one cares but sum1 cares i care n thats not the point but like u kud go door 2 door n wash pplz car. Do all kinds of stuff. Jus let love lead the way fuck fear. Even if sum1 cuts ur clitoris off jus laff in their face n say ha didnt neex it anyway! Er sum shit no o r wants to lose a clit or a dick but jus dnt let fear hold u back.. I have 2 put up wirh a lot but all n all i jus wana help. Who knoes maybe ill make it sum day n if i do kuss the bull shit good bye cuz like ima solve our prollems


By anonymous at 05,Sep,11 12:16

If you really love your kids and want to keep them, the number one thing you need to concentrate on is getting your home clean and providing enough to eat for your kids. If you can't find assistance (food stamps, charity assistance, food banks), then maybe you should be the one to go looking for someone responsible and in a position to care for your kids until you are in a position to look after them yourself again. The kids don't deserve to live like that--it's unhealthy both physically and mentally. If you have access to a low-cost or no-cost medical clinic, find out if you have clinical depression and could benefit from antidepressants to help you cope with this difficult time. Start working on your problems in a systematic way and you will find yourself feeling better about life and more hopeful for the future. Put together a plan and then push yourself to work toward your goals. See if anyone can help with advising you and/or assisting you in getting help. Although your life is extremely difficult, hang in there and do your best--for your kids. They are counting on you.
By anonymous at 06,Sep,11 03:54

welfare


By anonymous at 11,Sep,11 11:38

Life is about choices we make, if sounds like you have made some bad choices. If you can move, get help, finish school, and learn to parent. Childern learn from their enviornment if you are un organized, un happy, then that is how they will be. Keep god in your heart he does answere paryers. You have to do everything you can do for your childern and your slef. No one is going to do the work you, you have to find the answeres your slef. I wish you the best, stay strong


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