Ok so I've been physically and emotionally abused by my parents, as far as I can remember the first time was when I was 3 or 4 & stabbed with a fork. Molested and raped by my family growing up and by a guy who I thought was my friend. Never had any friends in school, always was made fun of because I was quiet. My parents never let me out of the house anyway as a teenager. Then finally got someone who I thought was nice to me and listened and protected me, my father's friend who is 32 years older then me. Fell in love, had to hide it until I was 18. Little did I know he took complete advantage of me, cheating the whole time, didn't know until I got pregnant with his kid at almost 19. Gave birth to my son and at 2 days old, he almost died in my arms. Turns out he has a very rare disease that effects 1 in 50,000 people. Now the most I can go is 4 hours without him eating or his blood sugar drops to dangerously low levels and could die. He needs to take very expensive medicine to stay alive and I'm getting very tired after 3 years of waking up every 3-4 hours but it has to be done. Shortly after I had my son I gained 70 lbs because of hypothyroidism and the weight just won't come off. I've discovered I have a breast deformity also. I've always had low self esteem and body image problems and now it's worse then ever. Guys always told me I was pretty but that was a big lie, never was pretty, never will be. Now I'm in college, trying to get in the dental hygiene program & having a hard time with anatomy & physiology 2. I'm so close to getting an associates degree in individual studies, I only have like 3 more classes to go but I just feel like I'm going brain dead and can't retain any information. When I started college I had a 4.0 but now it has dropped and I can't seem to get above a B anymore. And of course, I definitely don't feel I belong in college. On top of everything else I'm a sex addict and masturbate A LOT, like until I bleed and I just can't stop. I've even sold my body a few times before I had my son, couldn't believe anyone would pay for it, must have been real desperate. Now I'm messing with guys I find very unattractive and it disturbs me. Whatever I probably deserve everything I've gone through and going through anyway, but my son didn't deserve what he went through, which bothers me tremendously.