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A Drink called loneliness

Posted by Jim at August 2, 2011
Tags: 2011 August  Loneliness

I really shouldnt be writing on this website. Compared to others' stories Ive read, mine isnt nearly as bad. But still problems are abound and everyone has theirs. A lot of this is just drunk rambleing so just read the last two paragraphs to get the idea.

My family is fine, I have 2 brothers and my parents are still together. Finacially speaking, my family is well off. We're not rich by any means, but we get by and have some to spare.

I havent really had any problems up until high school. I was never really bullied but I was somewhat of a cast-out. I had 'friends' I paled around during school, but that was it. I was the guy who was just there. Didnt really bring anything to the table, just the guy who hung around and chimed in every once in a while. I was rarely invited to go hang out with anyone.

Im a quiet guy around new people and people I don't know very well. Im not the first one to say 'hello' nor am I the one to strike up a conversation. But if someone else starts talking, I put my two cents in and go along with the topic -often not saying much.

Im 21 now and attend a fairly decent liberal arts college. I can say I have the closest thing to 'friends' now than Ive ever had (they're my fraternity brothers). Im never the life of parties. People usually just talk to me for a minute or two then walk off with others. I dont think Im repulsive. On a scale of 1 to 10, I call myself a 4 (5 at best). My face is a little asymetrical from being hit in the head by a baseball bat when I was 10. Im not disfigured in anyway, something is a little off about my face. Ive had some grey hairs since i was in 9th grade and now Im starting to lose my hair. Like I said, Im 21...

I dont have much luck with women either. Ive had only one relationship worth calling a relationship. It lasted a year before I went and fucked it up. I was a virgin at the time and she wouldnt put out for some reason (she never told me why even when I asked). I 'cheated' on her one night and we broke up the next day. I am still a virgin...

Its summer now inbetween semesters of college and am as lonely and depressed as ever. My high school 'friends' have forgotten I exsist, my college 'friends' dont care that I exsist, and I have zero motivation in life. Im a pre-med student but I know Im not going to med-school. My Grades are fine but my personaliy is shit. The shy, quiet guy who sits in the back and only speaks when spoke to. Im a nice guy though. Too nice for my own good. Im a 21 year old virgin and I honestly can not see that changing anytime soon. Im not gay, I know Im not. I had a serious girlfriend who didnt put out and didnt tell me why. This has caused me a lot of suffering, forcing me to think that there is something wrong with me. Im not the best looking guy around, in fact im below average at best. I dont open up to people. I tend to keep things to myself. Actually this is all weird to me because I havent talked about my life like this ever. I find myself over thinking a lot of things and situations which tends to backfire on me. Since coming to college, Ive picked up drinking and drinking hard. It helps me cope with shit and makes me a little more socialbe. But in all honesty, my attempts at being happy have been one failure after another. The thing is I blame myself. Ive tried to change and put on an act to make living somewhat enjoyable, but it felt uncomfortable and phony.

I guess what it all boils down to is loneliness and seclusion. Sometimes I wish someone would just come up and talk to me or give me a call asking about how I am doing, Hows my life. I wish there was someone who cared. Someone out there, besides my family, who actually gave a damn that I exsisted and that I am a person. Ive attempted to take my own life and it was the stupidest thing ive done. I dont want to die. Atleast not alone.


Votes:


Similar Entries:
My Loneliness September 17, 2011
loneliness April 26, 2012
I feel trapped! May 13, 2012
Loneliness June 14, 2012
Loneliness really sucks!!! March 10, 2012



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Comments:
By Nick at 18,Sep,11 12:16

Hey I know how you feel. I'm 20 and feel sometimes the same way. Not to mention you are very stressed about that virginity stuff....it hurts I know. But you are not the only one in this world. I can assure you that a lot of young people feel this way. But when you are outside you are so concentrated on your own person that all other around seem happy and full of success. Well the catch is that inside their little head is also a blur vision of gray outside. They are also full of problem and stressed about relationships. They also ask themselves why that or other guy/girl is not paying attention to them. That's it. So from now on when you look at them remember that they are more confused than you are even if they try to look calm and cool outside. You can help them if you want. You can talk to them and they will be happy about that because they need you more than you need them. Well I think now you are wiser that yesterday so just be happy about that. You acquired a great secret and knowledge here. And about the girls..don't worry...to be hones I consider you are lucky that you had a relation of 1 year long even if it hurt you about the sex part. I dated a girl only for 1 month so...And about getting drunk...as long as you do it in company is nothing bad....to be honest that's how i lost my virginity )) Who knows maybe you will too the same way )) Cheers and don't give up...If you want to talk just write me on sshoguns91@yahoo.it ))


By anonymous at 19,Sep,11 03:03

I hear ya man. I just randomly stumbled upon this site by googling "life sucks." This story sounds very similar to mine. I'm 19, in college, with a similar background. Still a virgin as well, although i feel like there's way too much stress on that these days. I've never even been in a relationship before so some people are worse off than you haha.
On the drinking issue, I've had similar problems and i use alcohol for the same reasons of coping/confidence, if you will. I've had some minor drug issues in the past, but nothing i let get out of hand. I was a very heavy drinker for the past few months and some friends at school are helping me "sort it out." although I'll probably go back to it the first chance i get.
Anyone i know i dont really have any insight or wisdom but just thought i say i hear ya and youre not alone. remember every person has an impact on others and the world around them. And dude never hurt yourself. I think about it alot too but it's not the answer. well, it seems like you know what's up. Just keep on keeping on man and shape the future as you wish.


By anonymous at 19,Sep,11 06:09

don't know if you will see this, but still gonna write something
i think you are a strong person and you can still pull yourself for this long.
Good job, and it must be really hard, I don't think I can understand what you feel because your situation sounds difficult to me.However you still alive, and at least you are writing something here, and saying it aloud, I think it is good for you doing this.
Willing to talk to you, just write me to ashikakyo@gmail.com if you want :)


By anonymous at 26,Sep,11 22:53

in the greater scheme of things, being a virgin is not a bad thing. when you meet the right person, it will be even better for you since you waited. sex is fun, but it complicates things...i understand how you feel, i am a young woman, 21 and in college and i dont feel happy either. i think ive learned that life is full of pain, unhappiness and hurt, etc.,. BUT there is always a brighter day, and you never know when its going to come..sometimes its one day, some times its a week or for some its a lifetime. i think we are all entitled to that happiness, but it just comes at different times. i like to think of it as, getting my unhappy times out of the way now, so i can have a happy life later on...that gives me hope and helps me get through the rough patches, like right now. it could always be worse, lucky for you you have life health and strength, your not laid up in a hospital somewhere, and you can voice your concerns and you are AWARE that their is a problem, so your solution shld be on its way.


By B at 11,Oct,11 21:54

Same story for me well very similar, talk to.me.sometime x


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