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Eternal Void

Posted by anonymous at August 3, 2011
Tags: Attitude  2011 August  Loneliness  Mistakes  Unemployment

I hate my life, utterly and completely. I am Sisyphus incarnate. I am 25 and live with my parents. I have no employable skills and lack at least 3 good years on a degree. Why? Because I've changed majors more times than a snake sheds it's skin. Why? Because I hate everything, I'm bored of everything, and I can find no hope or passion in any of the things I see myself spending my life doing. They are all pointless, meaningless labors without reward or end.
What's worse is that if I found a decent job I have no friends with whom I might move in, much less a partner. Which means that I would have to find a REALLY good job to move out on my own... alone. The few people I do know don't seem to really give a damn if I live or die. My phone never rings, and when I do manage to work up the balls to call someone they more often than not don't answer my call or text, or they just respond with the bare minimum. I don't blame them, I hate them all & I'm sure they pick up on that. I despise them for being able to have relationships and feel happiness. I don't really even want a relationship though, as I've become painfully aware that regardless what happens it ends in tragedy. In fact, the better it goes, the worse it'll be.
I can see no hope for any happiness in my future. I hate everybody and they all hate me. I have no concept of how, much less ability, to speak romantically to a woman. The one relationship I've ever had was with a girl who initiated both the relationship and sex, and that only lasted for three months... and I almost killed myself afterward. I think the fear of getting hurt and the fear of failure combine to grant me a nice tonic of fear, self-loathing, and despair that I'll ever find a girl with whom I could have a relationship with anyway, as I especially despise the ever-popular "pretty-in-pink" girls so prevalent where I live.
I'm depressed and think every day that I should just end my life so that my professional athlete, younger brother who runs his own gym and has girls calling him constantly, to the point that he complains... to me, believing I am sympathetic, can inherit whatever our parents might leave us when they die. Though I'm pretty sure that even they only kind of like me out of familial obligation.
What's worse is that I honestly believe that not only am I damned, but that the human race (lot of stupid monkeys we are) will inevitably wipe itself out.
I have no hope. Every future I see is either bleak or just generally horrible. I honestly don't know, intellectually, why I haven't just rolled over and refused to eat until I die. I'm eternally angry, depressed, bored, and empty.


Votes:


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GOD UNDERSTANDS AND CARES! THERE IS HOPE! February 10, 2011



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Comments:
By anonymous at 21,Sep,11 02:40

Wow did I really write this while I was sleeping or are we the same person??


By anonymous at 21,Sep,11 08:57

who are you?? and how did you get my story?? ;) Seriously life sucks but we all need to cheer up..


By anonymous at 21,Sep,11 16:29

yeah, I'm the same way. I totally can relate to that feeling of idifference to everything. I think that there are too many people and that is the main problem.


By anonymous at 21,Sep,11 19:29

You have to smile back at the negativity. We are all freaks in our own ways. At least you are not starving in a third-world-country or on death row or have HIV or cancer.


By anonymous at 21,Sep,11 20:16

You are not alone my friend although we have never met I know exactly how you feel. I myself do not care for the world we live in anymore, hope of finding the love of my life has also disappeared. I have a job I fucking hate. Fears I can't seem to conquer. I am turning into an alcoholic because that's the only way to feel a bit better. Most of the time I just don't have the energy to do anything. Sometimes I feel like a ghost among the living, like I am there but no one notices me. I used to be a kind person with all these great thoughts about the future but now I am just an empty shell.


By anonymous at 24,Sep,11 04:03

Can definitely relate to how you're feeling because I'm experiencing some very similar feelings about life myself.i don't understand why some of us seem to end up trapped in a life where we simply exist rather than live. When i was younger, i used to think that it was because there was something wrong with me, then i considered that it was other people that were somehow to blame for not understanding me. Now I've just come to accept that some of us just have a tough time of it compared to the majority.if life were a path, then maybe for some of us there's just a lot of pointless bends, hurdles,broken glass and stones along the way.of course, i can only speak from the perspective of someone who's miserable and living in the UK.i say this because i realise that those who are starving, or living in abject poverty, or living in war torn areas in other countries probably have a lives far more terrible than i could possibly imagine and so i feel bad to admit that i am miserable. But perhaps that's the nature of misery.it's possible to experience it no matter who you are. It's a universal human experience.anyway, I'm just waffling now but i think from what you wrote, it sounds like there could be hope.it might seem like a small glimmer but if there's a glimmer it's better than nothing. You seem like an intelligent guy from what you wrote and in some ways, this could be part of the problem because it gives you the capacity to see past the bullshit of modern life and be aware of your own suffering.but on the flip side, it also gives you the ability to experience great joy and you'll probably be able to find it in obscure places and all around you, just in tiny amounts.i've learnt to survive by finding joy in the smallest of ways. A hot cup of coffee on a crisp winter's morning, a teenage girl on a bus waving back to a over excited small child in a car, a stranger telling me to chin up and give him a smile, feeling beyond lonely on the walk up to work and seeing a flock of birds swoop noisily down to eat some berries. These tiny events remind me that there are still decent people on this earth, there is still love and hope and life can be beautiful. Yes, I'd like more. A loving partner, my family to love each other as opposed to being torn apart, my own home instead of a tiny rented flat which quite literally takes almost every penny i earn, kids, some decent friends. But i can sit this shit out and survive on crumbs until maybe a piece of cake comes along :-) if it doesn't, then i did my best. There must be something that you still like to do. Try and keep as busy as you can with hobbies,no matter how random or what people might think and try and mix with others as much as you can, even if it's just your parents or a case of sitting in a coffee shop.maybe join a few clubs so can mix with people that way.don't bother with negative friends who don't make you feel good about yourself.one good friend is better than a hundred acquaintances. Don't try and live up to the expectations of society as they are dictated by the government, media and other money making devices. Nobody can really live a celeb lifestyle, not even celebs.Live by your own morals and values.grab happiness where you can and keep surviving and existing until if and when things pick up.if they do, least you will truly appreciate it, unlike someone who's had it good their whole life :-)


By anonymous at 04,Oct,11 11:24

You hate the world you are in?

Get out of it.

Travel.

Take the minimum of what you can, sell things you no longer need, and travel. Just you and your journey in the world.

Your life is currently not in your hands. And you are not guiding, leading, or living your life. You need to change that. Or you will remain empty and lifeless forever.


By anonymous at 04,Oct,11 22:10

Story of my life. I wish I could live in my dream world.


By anonymous at 15,Oct,11 17:16

To the "get happy" comment above- "Travel" where exactly? And how? With what money? Seriously. I hate people who act like its just easy to up and "Fix" everything without MONEY!!!!!


By anonymous at 03,Nov,11 20:52

Hey there, I understand how much life sucks and how it is a completely meaningless void sometimes. I don't think life's problems or negative emotions can be dispelled so easily, like you said.

However, one way that problems totally cannot be dispelled is if you sit around bemoaning your shitty life and whining on about how much you hate it.

People who are lonely tend to become very self-centered around their loneliness and themselves. Please, I choked with derision when I saw your line "I am Sisyphus incarnate". Do you have any idea how stupid and melodramatic you sound? What type of tragedy do you really think you are in? You are not a double amputee, or have not lost your family in a huge disaster. I think only people in those situations deserve to whine and even then, I think they have more spunk than you.

People like you are a waste of space.


By anonymous at 03,Nov,11 21:04

You get bored of everything?

I'm sorry to bring you bad news, you sound pretty boring yourself, loser.


By anonymous at 11,Nov,11 23:10

If your parents would throw you out, then you would be forced to go to work and get on your own two feet. Meet people at work and find common ground with them, then on with your own life and grow up! Your parents are not doing you any favors, but please get some gumption and get off your ass and move out now.


By anonymous at 14,Nov,11 19:07

eternally void i feel for you, i too am angry, bored and empty. however i have children and a boyfriend which proves that being alone is not your problem. I long to be free like you and you long to have a partner like me. travel the world experience everything you can


By anonymous at 15,Nov,11 12:01

even with money what kind of a fix is that? Money doesnt buy happiness it just buys stuff like clothes, cars, houses, shit like that. Sure you will have people around with enough money but they dont care about you.

THEY CARE ABOUT YOUR MONEY !!


By anonymous at 30,Mar,12 10:08

I understand. Intellectually, every future either terrifies or bores me. Happiness only exists for halfwits, and its only because they aren't conscious of life yet. Unconscious repetition is the key to happiness, and once you have shattered the "great dome of ignorance" there is no going back. Nothingness is all that remains. The only reason humanity hasn't self-destructed yet is because we insist upon lying to ourselves, and forgetfulness...


By lose weight pills at 02,Feb,13 01:42

naRwhK Very good article post. Great.


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