It all started when they took my house away due to eviction on Christmas day when i was in 7th grade. While everybody was opening their presents, I was moving my shit to a house where we could only spend 2 days. So 48 hours to find a home. I reached the point where I would eat my sorrow away and got to weigh 280 pounds. I was only 13.
So from that point you can tell that my school life was a fucking piece of shit since nobody talked to me and the only fucking friend I had ended up being a lesbian that was trying to hook up with me. Middle school was HELL for me. My dad was jobless for a long period of time and he ended up leaving to Houston, Texas in the search of employment and a place for us to live. Of course he came back.. then left again... then came back.... and left again until recently that he came back home after a severe car crash. He nearly died but he recuperated. He got back into drinking. Back into Smoking. Hes even cheating on my mom. My mother, a cancer survivor,cleans houses for a living and we barely have enough to put food on the table. I am now in high school. And I feel as if i am completely alone. I lost 60 pounds due to depression and currently weigh 220. Ive had my crushes... but not one guy has ever asked me for my number... My brother tells me everyday " your useless, your never going to get a man. Get over your self you fucking waste of space." My dad tells me EVERY SINGLE DAMN DAY HOW MUCH HE HATES HIS LIFE AND THAT HES GOING TO KILL HIMSELF. I cry myself to sleep. I don't cut, but a day doesn't pass that i don't think of killing myself. I go out with my friends now and everybody turns to me and says EW LOOK AT THAT? WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT? Well... whats the point of living? No body loves me except for my mom, im worthless. I wear the same thing over and over since we have no god damn money to get decent clothes. My dad hates me. My brother hates me. The thing that just hurts me the most is that nobody knows the real me... they go by looks and by what you have and what you wear... they don't know that i can be one of the most understanding people out there... that i can actually listen instead of ignoring.. and i can be they're best friend.. instead of the outcast. I want to know how feels to have a guy hold your hand, to tuck your hair behind your ear and kiss you in the moon light... How does it feel to have your dad be nice to you.. instead of abusing you every day? How does it feel not to cry? How does it feel to have a reason to live?..