growing up i was a normal kid. i got a bit chubby in middle school and in high school as well but still an ok looking guy. i messed around often in 9th and 10th grade which caused me to bust my ass in 11th(lost my virginity to some girl who ended up pregnant then fell in love with her sister. i havent spoken to them in months because i am scared. i graduated high school with my parents talking shit to me all day everyday blaming my friends for me acting foolish, when in fact they are the the ones who kinda helped me get my shit straight but now they dont even listen to me. my family doesnt know anything about me. i have no one to talk to. recently my brother messed up his back and knee at work so i take care of him all day. im broke, have no job, no real friends, plus my birthday is on wednesday and i have to spend all day at home taking care of my brother which literaly pisses on me at times,i haven't slept in days, ive been wearing the same clothes for the past 3 years, recently my dog died and now i feel lonelier than ever i am immune to weed extacy and coke,dont know why but dont care so i dont even bother with drugs nomore so i drink my life away because nobody cares about me! i know this because i once left home for 3 days and no one even realized it! so i am trying to find a girlfriend or even someone to talk to but i have let my self go and gained some weight, i have had so many deep serious suicide thoughts which i then turn to poetry which i am very good at but for what if no one is interested or even cares so i dont know what to do with my life at this point but the sad part is that this is only the beginning!,,p.s. my family is really close to being poor because my idiot brother who is in prison and will be there for 30 years got a girl pregnant with 2 kids and cared so much about her.well she cheated on him and got pregnant with another guy who supposedly cares for her but doesnt give her money so my parents give her a few thousand every two months and now i have 0$ for college and we cant even see my brothers kids but my parents still buy them shit, give them money, and talk shit to me all day for taking care of my brother all day, i have prayed and prayed for life to get the least bit easier but... nothing! so now i lost hope in religion and have no future and if i die i will not be remembered. but still i live this shitty life because of hope that i will be with some girl that i am talking to right now and i really like but we stopped txting an hour because she was sleepy,which i got a txt from her right now saying "u we're really good ;) next time u can try anything on me!" which my name in her contacts is under her neighbors which is a guy and got our names mixed. so now my chances of hope went from 5% to 0 and i really dont have faith in living anymore! | |
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