so im pretty young, i just started highschool and the summer before that my mom put my cat down while i was in arizona(without telling me) and so i come home to not having my cat who i adored. then i started my freshman year that follow august. between august to october my boyfriend of 11 months dumped me, my house was put up for sale, sold, moved across town, and my parents divorced.all at fucking once. my mother became a total trainreck with starting this new job that she gets paid shit for. my dad is unemployed. my mom was always so stressed out because of having 4 teenagers in the house,not getting money from her job or from my dad cuz he owed her alot. she turned into this monster, she divorced my father for no god damn reason and lied to me for three years saying the divorce was because my dad "virbally abused her" which was just bullshit cuz she was just a physco bitch. my older sister and my mom fought so much and it would get so ugly. she treats my brothers and me and my sister so differently. she calls us bitches and ungrateful shits. my sister made me realize alot of flaws about my mom which caused me to hate my mom even more. she would get drunk every night and get so stressed out from working and she would take her stress out by beating me and my sister. she would smack us and at one point she smashed my head into the stairs and i needed stitches. pathetic thing is, she never fucking apologized for that. she never fucking admits to her faults and blame all her shit on everyone else. she needs major help but refuses to get it. shes so fucked up in the head. but aside from that shit around december i got my first boyfriend since my last one that i was inlove with and we had dated for 3 months. i love my virginity to him because i thought me and him would. turns out the asshole breaks up with me two days later. i felt fucking awsome being used.. since from december to may i was so depressed over evrrything, school, grades, family, money, everything i made some really fucked up decisions and took out my stress on sex. soon enough i was known as that girl. everyone i knew judged me and everyone would look at me and talk behind my back even my fucking "bestfriends" called me a peice of shit. i had no one to talk to cuz everyone i would trust would just fuck me over and i got so messed up and got into drugs, sex, alcohol, partying. i made horrible decisions. and i lied to my friends about not seeing this guy and i finally admitted to it and i apologized prefusley and owned up to all my faults and swalloed my fucking pride but these bitches decide they cant be around me anymore. ive attempted sucide several times but obviously never came thru. i lay in my bed every night and cry and everytime i look into the mirror i feel disgusting and ugly and stupid and like a worthless piece of shit. i dont desserve to live because of the fucked up shit i did. nobody fucking accepts me and understands that i feel horrible and have so much regret and remorse for the things i did. nobody fucking sees that i am trrying to change and that im not gunna be what i was. i was so lost and distraught and so fucked up. nothing really has gotten better becasue my friends still hate me and talk shit about me and its hard to find new friends when ur whole fucking school is so quick to judge and just looks at u as a worthless whore. i fucking hate my life and i want to die. fuck this world.