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fuck this life.

Posted by worthless. at August 16, 2011
Tags: 2011 August  Juvenile problems

so im pretty young, i just started highschool and the summer before that my mom put my cat down while i was in arizona(without telling me) and so i come home to not having my cat who i adored. then i started my freshman year that follow august. between august to october my boyfriend of 11 months dumped me, my house was put up for sale, sold, moved across town, and my parents divorced.all at fucking once. my mother became a total trainreck with starting this new job that she gets paid shit for. my dad is unemployed. my mom was always so stressed out because of having 4 teenagers in the house,not getting money from her job or from my dad cuz he owed her alot. she turned into this monster, she divorced my father for no god damn reason and lied to me for three years saying the divorce was because my dad "virbally abused her" which was just bullshit cuz she was just a physco bitch. my older sister and my mom fought so much and it would get so ugly. she treats my brothers and me and my sister so differently. she calls us bitches and ungrateful shits. my sister made me realize alot of flaws about my mom which caused me to hate my mom even more. she would get drunk every night and get so stressed out from working and she would take her stress out by beating me and my sister. she would smack us and at one point she smashed my head into the stairs and i needed stitches. pathetic thing is, she never fucking apologized for that. she never fucking admits to her faults and blame all her shit on everyone else. she needs major help but refuses to get it. shes so fucked up in the head. but aside from that shit around december i got my first boyfriend since my last one that i was inlove with and we had dated for 3 months. i love my virginity to him because i thought me and him would. turns out the asshole breaks up with me two days later. i felt fucking awsome being used.. since from december to may i was so depressed over evrrything, school, grades, family, money, everything i made some really fucked up decisions and took out my stress on sex. soon enough i was known as that girl. everyone i knew judged me and everyone would look at me and talk behind my back even my fucking "bestfriends" called me a peice of shit. i had no one to talk to cuz everyone i would trust would just fuck me over and i got so messed up and got into drugs, sex, alcohol, partying. i made horrible decisions. and i lied to my friends about not seeing this guy and i finally admitted to it and i apologized prefusley and owned up to all my faults and swalloed my fucking pride but these bitches decide they cant be around me anymore. ive attempted sucide several times but obviously never came thru. i lay in my bed every night and cry and everytime i look into the mirror i feel disgusting and ugly and stupid and like a worthless piece of shit. i dont desserve to live because of the fucked up shit i did. nobody fucking accepts me and understands that i feel horrible and have so much regret and remorse for the things i did. nobody fucking sees that i am trrying to change and that im not gunna be what i was. i was so lost and distraught and so fucked up. nothing really has gotten better becasue my friends still hate me and talk shit about me and its hard to find new friends when ur whole fucking school is so quick to judge and just looks at u as a worthless whore. i fucking hate my life and i want to die. fuck this world.


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Comments:
By anonymous at 02,Oct,11 21:28

you know what?! who the fuck cares what anyone else thinks about you? before you know it, you will be out of school and can reinvent yourself and start anew. You are obviously a very very smart and very very insightful person...you see that your mom doesn't hate you and isn't really a bitch, she has problems. you are able to see, i think, and hope that of course you are not a piece of shit or a slut...you had difficult times and made some poor and self destructive decisions...but that is ok! each day you can choose what to do when you wake up. ignore those that judge you if you can..please try....most of the time it's due to their own insecurities that they focus like this one others in a negative way. please don't kill yourself. someone as thoughtful, intelligent and kind--someone who has seen some pain and can feel empathy, can surely help many, many other ppl, if only you stick around to do so. i care about you and hope that you will let us know how you are doing. hang in there, and again--fuck anyone that judges you..they have nothing better to do! it's not really about you but about them.


By anonymous at 03,Oct,11 09:08

Nobody cares about the urself but u...u dnt need their acceptance to be what u r..who r they to judge you...do the right thing the right way one at a time....fuck the people around u


By Mister B-Don at 03,Oct,11 13:59

Not having God in your like is a recipe for Disaster so you need to calm down and re evaluate your life. Stop thinking you need people and do your own thing.
By anonymous at 07,Oct,11 01:44

there is no "God" you fool try help in a factual way...


By anonymous at 05,Oct,11 19:27

Look up the song strength by an uderated artist called Isa.
so type in strength isa and it should be the first video i believe, that song will really help you realise how special you are.


By anonymous at 05,Oct,11 21:39

If you believe or not every girls goes almost the same situation, some of them little bit smart, some naive, some clever and they hide everything.. So you had sex with guys so what,you had drugs. At least you know know know and you are not naive and you will be able to choose the right person.. When you go to college dress nice, study, do some kind of sport activity. Put all your energy to study,go to library, get a hobby i.e. something you really like. DON'T EVER LET ANY BODY PUT FEAR, SHAME ON, AND BE ALWAYS HONEST, THINK THINGS TWICE BEFORE YOU RESPOND. Friends talking about you let them talk.. ignorance is bliss and they are being ignorant.. REMEMBER YOU ARE STILL YOUNG AND YOU CAN MAKE YOUR LIFE BETTER BUT DON'T TAKE GRANTED EITHER BECAUSE YOU ARE YOUNG, DON'T POSTPONE THINGS ALWAYS DO IT ON TIME.. NOT LATER... AND EAT HEALTHY, VEG, FRUIT.. WATER :)


By Nike Shox at 01,Oct,14 08:53

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