Just very depressed and feel like I don't know where I am going these days. I was engaged to be married to a man who became very abusive. We ended up having a child together and when my son was 2 months old, he attacked me for the last time and I left him. Haven't seen my ex since (my son is 5 1/2 now). My restraining order just expired after 5 years and I just filed for full custody and restricted visitations (not that he'd ever be interested in seeing his own son, but just in case). My baby boy is my life. I love him so much and probably could not breathe without him. Being single, I discovered a lot about myself and found out I enjoy the company of a woman much more than the company of a man (no bible verses or hate comments please..just want to vent so if you hate gays, just leave me alone please). I got involved with a woman who was wonderful with my son and we were together for 2 1/2 years. One problem, though. She was too much of a drinker and eventually, I had to cut her loose. She was there for my son and I so much and I miss her terribly, but I can't have that kind of behavior around my son. It also led me to drink more, which I needed to stop right away.
I have a decent job and have been going to school since 2009 for my BS in Business at the University of Phoenix. I just see negative publicity about the school and I fear that I won't find anything once I graduate next year. I've truly busted my ass in school and have achieved nothing but A's and B's at this point. I hope my long nights and sacrifices haven't been a waste of time. I want to get into HR and stop my dead end job as a medical biller. The company I work for won't give me an opportunity because I have no experience. I feel so trapped and although I feel lucky to have a job right now, I still feel stuck. All I do is work and go to school online and my kid hasn't been with me in a while. He's been staying with my parents because of my long work hours. All I do is work and go to school. I have very little friends, and the friends I do have do not have children and party or travel all of the time, and I can't because of my responsibilities here. Sounds like I should be grateful, right? I have a great kid, decent job, going to school, have my own place, etc. WTF is my problem? I'm so lonely, depressed, and burned out. I'm also the only child and all of my family members are old and SUPER Catholic. No cousins, sisters, brothers, etc. to really have a bond with. I get jealous watching other people with their families or friends because at the end of the day with my son is asleep, I am here alone. Seems like life shouldn't suck because I have in fact accomplished some things so far, but I'm just lonely and sad all of the time. Anyway..just wanted to vent and bitch and didn't feel like being a drama queen on Facebook like some people do, nor do I have the funds to pay a therapist. Thanks for reading if you actually read this lol.