Okay life has been really shit from the get go. But you know what I'm not going to go there, because it will be really long-winded and who the fuck is gonna care? Instead I will rant about my current situation. I am 22 and live with my parents who are financially ruined, and I only work part-time so I cannot afford to even rent a room. I'm fed up of my future being in their fucking useless hands, and watch all my other siblings get married off and find happiness. Because of bad experiences in the past I'm shit with people, and don't have many friends. I have one friend who I am starting to depsise because we are the polar opposite of one another. I am beginning to hate women because they are really materialistic but they go round saying "oh he has to have a nice personality" oh a nice personality huh? Nothing to do with the Jaguar he's driving, or the massive house he owns? FUCK!!! I used to hate drinking because to me it represented a social ritual, something you had to conform to on a night out. But now I feel addicted to alcohol and it's not even a social thing. I will sit in my room and down whisky neat until bubbles rise in the bottle and my throat burns like a buzzsaw. For someone who has grown to hate people I am sure lonely. It's because I haven't abandoned all hope, I say to myself not everyone is an arsehole. I tell myself my situation will get better. But if I lost that last shred of hope, maybe ending my monotonous life would be easier. What makes it worse is that I see people get nostalgic over good memories. I never had good memories to begin with, how can I function as a human being without basic human understanding and experience? I'm fucked. I'm lonely. I'm just another statistic that got through the net. | |
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