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Posted by anonymous at August 24, 2011
Tags: 2011 August  Juvenile problems

I'm a 16 year old female going into my junior year and these past few years, my life has been straight hell. I have no friends what-so-ever and I don't even know why. I'm not a geek or at least I wasn't, life used to be so good before H.S., what happened? I have to hide my face in the halls to avoid certain people just so I wouldn't get called a name that humiliated me, it's not even like it's a name because of something I did, it's a name that this homosexual male made for him in the 8th grade that continued ever since. The only friends I have in school are the ones that constantly put me down everyday. I guess you could say they're part of the 'cool crowd' and no I wasn't just hanging out with them to fit in, it was because it was the only option I had. I tried making friends but all the ones I made stabbed me in the back. They would constantly make jokes about me, in front of me, at the lunch table but then if it was me 1 on 1 with one of them, it's like we were best friends. You wouldn't believe some of the things they said, I would never say the things they did to ANYONE, I'd feel terrible. I regret not sticking up for myself in the beginning but now they know how I am. I had to be friends with these people just so I can get through the day, it's either them or nobody. It sucks having no one to talk to when I really need too or just to hang out. The only friend I have is my 10 year old niece which I think is pretty pathetic but it is what it is. She's the only reason why I'm living, I have nothing else to live for. I feel so lonely in this world. All I did this summer was work, go on the computer, sleep, repeat. I didn't hang out with anyone once. I even deleted my facebook, and nobody texted me about it or at all except the usual 3 people that text me once a week. My mother pays most of her attention to my older sisters and thinks I'm weird most of the time. My father he doesn't really pay attention to me or none of us for that matter. They don't support me AT ALL. I say I want to do this and that but they laugh at me like I can't do it, which is probably why I have no motivation today. I have to pay for everything my lunch, school clothes/shoes, electronics, cosmetics, anything and everything. It sucks, they expect me to save for a car but how? On Christmas, I gave my parents $50 each and my mother complained and nagged and said how I better give them more so I had to go to the bank since I got paid that day and instead gave them each $80 each. Right now, I only make $140 every 2 weeks. I have an older brother that constantly puts me down, calling me ugly, and standing up for his friends over me which hurts so much. I'm not good at anything. My sister she was amazing at sports. My brother was also good at sports and got good grades. Me? I'm a failure that's not good at anything. I already screwed up my 9th and 10th grade year. I cursed out the disciplinarian just so I would get suspended and not have to come to school- it was that bad. It's not even that I'm a hoe, the farthest I went was making out and the last time I did was like November. I never had a real boyfriend. I don't really fall hard for too many boys. Except the 2 that I did don't want me or at least they just wanted sex. I want so badly to fall in love, I'm a hopeless romantic, but honestly I feel as though it will never happen for me. In middle school, I was friends with everyone. I asked my parents if I could go to school online and they denied my request. Between then and now, nothing changed with me that I know of, everyone else just went their separate ways. Today, An accuantice of mine texted me and asked me to go bowling. I realllly wanted to go but then remembered all the nasty things he said to me so I just made an excuse and mentioned three other people to invite and he said he already asked them. I'm tired of being the last choice to do things, actually not even being a choice at all. I'm nice to almost everyone which is why I don't understand why my life is like this? I wonder if I'm being punished by God. Every night when I go to sleep, I dream about the perfect life, but I realize now that it'll never happen so what's the point? I just wish I could dream forever and never wake up, I don't know how I can get through another year of this shit hole.


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Comments:
By anonymous at 25,Feb,13 17:02

your honestly sound like the sweetest girl in the world. I come a family similar too yours and the only thing they notice are the bad things you do. You need to stick to your guns and dont let anyone punk you at school or make you feel inadequate because thats how bullies find their victims. You seem like you got good head on your shoulders and High school is a joke, all the people that your thought were so hot or cool, often become washed up and dead beats. You will realize this when its all done with i promise. You should try joining a school club, where you may find people that will have the same interests as you and love you for you! Wish you all the best! hs seems like an eternity but theres a whole world waiting for you outside of it! I promise!


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