Lets see, I was busted up at 16 years old by a snowmobile accident. I was the popular kid, the tough kid. The independant kid. Wow. When I see victoms now the first thing I think to myself is "they have'nt a clue as to the pain and suffering thats coming....psychological more than anything". Its been 26 years for me and I kinda have to count the years as I lost count after I realized I was in this situation longer than when life was good. I was told in 84 that it might be 10 years for the cure. What remarkable BS as I think back. No one knew that aids would all but rob the majority of funding for other afflictions. So 25 years later there is not much hope. I thought I was promised by god that I would walk again...I guess that somehow made me feel better. I'm thinking know that there is no god, or that I have been foresaken.
Part of me still hopes that I wont be forgotten but time is a ticking. I feel I would lose all hope but not for the thought that there must be a god and that maybe I just dont get why I was allowed to have this happen to me. I suppose it could be worse as I could be dead or have even worse health...so I'll take what I got and try to make good with the crappy heand I was delt. The things that suck the most, and there is no discussions that ease or make this crap go away, are as follows; Seeing an attractive girl that you would otherwise have little or no problem with that attraction being reciprocated....only for all of them to look away time and time again. Wondering what side effect affliction will crop up next..and which one will kill me. Wondering why it's so hard to have friends and damn near impossible to keep them. Wondering how long my spouse will put up with the inconvenience and lack of normalcy before an able bodied fellow changes her mind. Having to count on others for the simplest stupid little things. The whole ball of sh!t is just a downward spiral. I wonder when will it end. How bad will it get before my body and mind succomb to this life of paralysis? This shit sucks right here and it's not gotten better for me over the years. I feel for you young victoms and can only continue to hope for a cure for all of us with sci. Thanks for the ear.
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Think about this, I have no friends, no prospects at love in any way shape or form, and certainly no future to look forward to.
And there is nothing wrong with me physically, well I am average size, but nothing really wrong with me. Better to be able to form meaningful relationships with people then being someone like me who fumbles for words when ordering a sandwich for lunch because he is so self conscious of himself.
also, god would have been looking out for you, that he isnt proves that he isnt real.
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