In my earliest memories I have always felt different and incomplete. I'd watch the other kids playing and laughing. I didn't get it. I would go to bed feeling sad. I've gone through life emulating the actions of others, waiting for that aha moment. Just more sadness. It was later in life when I was diagnosed with chronic and severe dysthemia (clinical depression). It's like trying to live in a straight jacket. A monthly fee to the drug company results in a slight easing of the straps. I've read the Bible, attended church, worked on habitat homes, all the while looking for a benevolent God that would release me from this affliction. I couldn't begin to tell you how many nights I've prayed to wake up cured, or NOT WAKE UP AT ALL. Am I perfect? NO. Does God hear me? Seems so, during one stay in a mental facility, I met a teenage boy suffering seisures. The result of an accident early in his life. Scheduled for a pre-op appointment he was obviously nervous. I remember holding his head in my hands and praying. Days later his dad called to tell me that the spots on his brain had disappeared. Another young woman had a tumor at the base of her brain. We visited a local mission and prayed. Her mother took her for a second opinion. The second MRI showed no signs of the tumor. No, I didn't perform miracles, but I've seem them. Why won't God answer my plea and release me from this affliction? I'm tired, out of hope and miserable. Please, can someone out there send God my way? | |
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