LIFE SUCKS

whatever

I am a 28 yr old female. I was physically abused and rejected by my birth mother and neglected by my birth father. I almost died from unknowingly ingesting ammonia when I was turning 2 yrs old. I was the only child out of 5 to be put into foster care after being put in a child rehabilitation hospital/ center. Due to the traumatic events that happened I refused to talk. Thanks to my foster mom who was a retied school teacher helped me through this tough time exposing me to music and the arts. She also fostered my adopted younger sister who was legally blind with multiple handicaps. I went to public school I was always the odd one out. Throughout this time I had scheduled visits every month to meet with my birth parents to possibly go back home. My father would never show up and my mom would come when ever she felt like it. Sometimes I would sit and wait for hours and finally my social worker would tell me the bus broke down instead of telling me the truth that she was too lazy to come see her daughter. When she did show up it was monitored by a social worker because of my moms past. After I reached 12 yrs old I decided not to have visits anymore because it was a waste of time I knew I was never going back to live with my real family. Everything was fine living with my foster mom I guess. We had a lot of extended family but they were old and soon all died out. My adopted mom was verbally abusive I was afraid to tell my social workers because I would be removed and placed somewhere else worse eventually I just learned to tune her out after a while. When I graduated high school I received a music scholarship to go to CSU. I played piano and viola for 3 yrs at the college level. During my university studies my adopted mom began showing signs of demintia and eventually got altimer's. I couldn't focus on school anymore because she was always in a rage I didn't know what to expect one day to the next. She attacked my adopted sister with her cane and she was removed by her county worker now she has her own place due to section 8 and her disability. My adopted mom ended up in a nursing home and her estranged son came in the picture became her legal guardian and kicked me out. Her son took the house and everything in it that was supposed to go to me and my sister. Of course by this time I lost my music scholarship and failed out of college. I had to sleep on my friends couch for 6 months then I finally got on my feet and got my own apartment I met this guy through my friend and he would beat me, take money from me and treat me like shit. That lasted until 10 months ago when I finally had enough and I found out he was still with his ex girlfriend after I put up with all his bs for nothing!!!!!!!! Now I work at a f*cking grocery store where people dogg me out all day everyday and another part-time job to support myself. I owe 20 thousand to the university! I have no friends or family! Sometimes I wake up and wish I could just die. I didn't ask for this! All I wanted to do was become a music teacher! But now I'm a failyer! My adopted mom is now in hospice with heart failyer and her son won't tell me where she is! I hate my self and my life I wish I knew the point to my life I guess it is to be miserable. I hope I die soon. I turn to alcohol to make me happy now. Sometimes it helps sometimes it doesn't. I haven't touched a piano or my viola in 3 yrs. I feel like I have traumatic stress disorder or some kind of emotional and stress problems due to this crap. Thanks for listening to my stupid rant about my pathetic life. Excuse the misspelling.