Im 31 years old this coming month. Im a Marine Corps combat vet, and a former Deputy Sheriff among a few of my lifes adventures and an empty shattered broken shell of the person I once was. Its not that I hate life its just that my entire life ive done everything that im supposed to do and acheived much. What Ive learned that life can always get worse, and just when you think your ahead it always finds a way to kick you in the head while your down then grab your nuts twist and spit in your face while your still trying to figure out what the hell just happened.
My wife of 11 years decided to kill herself in May, on her birthday no less. She had it all planned out it seems. Waited till myself and our 2 year old were out of town and then got all fucked up on sleeping pills and booze. She then tied a bag around her head and filled it with helium in leathal dose.
Oh ya, did I mention she was terminally ill too?....We had been fighting it for a couple of years but she just gave up. Now Im alone again with our child who I have to explain this too someday. Like I havnt been through enough hell on this earth enough already I have to do it alone now without the one person I loved and trusted. Whats worse is If I didnt have my daughter I would join her.
I long for death and release from this life, I hate it and all; its trivial bullshit and all the stupid fucking people that take everything for granted. Oh ya I had the whole fucked up childhood just like everyone else but as shitty as that is people it comes down to choices. You always have a choice no matter what the circumstances.
I guess what I want to know is "WHAT THE FUCK DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS???.
Oh and just remember if your fucking cursed like me "Life can always get worse so lose heart and dont depend on anyone to help you there are no happy endings in this life just suffering...