I'm 22 years old and thought that i did everything by the book by insuring i get the right education. This was not to be my ecstasy from my upbringing which featured living in poverty in Brazil and moving to the UK and living on a council estate where i got contiguously bullied and tortured by my peers. After finally leaving high school, i went to college whilst living in a home, and got myself A+ grades and a eventual masters degree in business + marketing.
However this is not the end to my hopeful good life and nobody will give me a job, i did get a job but the boss felt like i was working to hard and felt intimidated by my efforts because i was too good at my job, which was purely down to the hardship i have suffered previously and mean't i was so scared of losing this chance of freedom. They eventually fired me and said i wasn't suitable despite a protest from my colleagues who new i was amazing.
This is similar to a work experience i had where i made the company 150,000 pounds and then they sold the company of the back of my free hard work. I'm constantly getting abused by employers and treated like dirt because they are able to count on family grants and the right guidance to assume a authority over me which they have never rightfully earned. I'm unable to get a job at a leading company because my qualifications are not from the right university and mean's that i find myself in epic debt and unemployable. After going to such lengths to gain a good education, i know find myself having to mix with the low life types of people that i hoped to leave.
While all this goes on i have a girlfriend who is suicidal and in a similar predicament after gaining a degree and wondering after a year and half why she can't have a career and a stable job. I'm constantly scared she will kill herself, and i hate myself for being a failure because i can't provide for her. I constantly feel like a second class citizen despite my ancestors tracing back to over 1,500 years in this country and wonder what i ever done to deserve this ill treatment.
I have given myself another 6 month's of this hell and will kill myself because it's not worth it, and i haven't done anything wrong to live like this. I have worked hard to get a degree and a masters degree and simply feel like i have put myself in amazing debt for no gain. It hurts when i have to watch people who get things for free every day of my life, and i see people who are on benefits who don't even want to work have a free house and a nice car while i have absolutely nothing and sleep most nights on the street.
As the years pass by i just get lost and dunno what to do with myself, i fear waking up in the morning having no purpose in life, which is hard for a person like me who want's to work towards a greater course and is willing to sacrifice there entire self for a better life. It has come to the point where society has crumbled and the recession has resulted in me being the biggest mug possible. No longer is it good to speak fluent languages and have skills, people at my level want me to be uneducated and stupid and take advantage of me so they can become rich and live a long and happy life.
I wonder why this has to be the case for me, I have never hurt anybody and always been a nice person. From this i can only conclude that being nice never gets you nowhere and i have the dilemma of being a bad person to get what i want in life. I just wish that i could live in a world where true morales was the key and nice people could progress. I lay awake at night wishing that when i took a overdose at 12 that i died, because even then i new that this fate was in store and only horrible people will be able to succeed. | |
New Comment