LIFE SUCKS

I was made wrong.

Ive been a social outcast my whole life. I have friends but they're not really "Friends" because they usually hang out without me. I've had maybe 2 girlfriends in like middle school and one girl that i was in love with that left me scarred. I m the type of kid who walks behind your friends in the hallway while they talk. I resorted to smoking weed but it didn't really make me feel better. I barely have any friends and when i need to talk to someone sometimes i cant think of anyone to talk to. My parents like my sister more then me and think im anti social and i stay home too much. I think i have social anxiety, brought on by the douchebags (and bitchy girls) i go to school with, with most girls failing to notice i exist. My self esteem is nil. I always second guess myself. My parents dont know how depressed i am, i keep it bottled up. I spend most of my time by myself and practically live inside my own brain. Im not a dumb kid though. I have a 4.0 GPA and i usually read books and watch documentaries on subjects that interest me. Ive even tried developing my own theories on things. I feel like i live a false life where i put on a face to everyone saying im fine. But i feel like im dead inside. I just want shit to change, but when i try i cant. I feel like people just judge me when they look at me and give me no chance to be me. Why couldnt i be someone else?