My life was pretty normal till middle school. I come from a family of achievers and there was a lot of pressure on me during high school. I had a lot of trouble coping with it. This is the stage where I believe I got depressed. I got into a great college and started studying engineering. I had developed a deep resentment towards my parents for pushing me so hard. I always valued my freedom and felt it got lost in the rat race. I couldn't cope with the place and course and left. I got some medical help and was diagnosed with schizophrenia. Doctors told me I would be on the pills for life. I scrapped through some stupid college and got a degree in commerce. The damn pills were making me depressed and I felt that my concentration and learning abilities were severely compromised. I got the worst grades I have had during these 3 years. By this time my family had moved away and was living alone. Just when all seemed lost I met the girl of my dreams. She was a clinical hypnotherapist and spiritual healer. My mother had taken the appointment. She helped me a lot in dealing with everything. I somehow remembered what it was like to be me. Against all medical opinion she even convinced me to leave the medication. Its been seven years since I have taken any psychiatric medicines. My parents in the meanwhile kept pressurizing me to take the damn drugs. My career also started making good progress. I fell in love with this doctor and we started having an affair. She is 12 years older to me was divorced at the time and she had an autistic kid. Initially things were great. But after 2 years I realized we couldn't work out. Her practice had failed, she was living off alimony from her ex husband who was creating problems and frankly my family still resented her a lot. They felt there was a breach of trust as she was a doctor. She got pregnant when I had broken up with her. I married her and the recession began. I struggled form one job to the next, the baby came and i loved her with all my heart. Trouble began with my stepson. There was no improvement since the past 4-5 years. My wife believed in keeping him at home as she felt special schools were no good. We were having a lot of trouble and fights all because of him. Its probably the solitude that was getting to the kid. His father came and took him away, initially it was for 2 days but then he made it indefinite. Obviously saving on child support. He was sending the kid to school and seemed to be more accepting of his problems. She just bought him back 1 fine day. I told her he can stay till he is 18. I can adjust for a child but not after that. Living with him is so hard and brings back my stress related problems and I cant do it on a permanent life long basis. She said no even at 18 he will live with us as that's what he prefers. He cant speak or write independently so any communication is a best guess. Our marriage has fallen apart. I miss my daughter very much. I will do whatever I can and make sure I am there for her as much as possible. Marriage has to be about mutual concern and if its missing, its surrender and not compromise. I find it very difficult to reach out to my parents so ultimately I have no family. I got a job in the city where my parents are living. Since the place I was working for closed down I have had to move back here. This has been a bad year. My ex seems to be happy with her parents. I practically have no one left. I feel it wont be fair for me to compromise for a whim and never be happy not that I am right now. I don’t know what to do. I miss my daughter a lot but am not sure giving up on my life will benefit her in any way. She would grow up thinking its ok to bully your partner and ignore his viewpoint.
I need help understanding what's the right way forward. I have given the details as that's the only way anyone can make a judgement. | |
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