I'm 16 and alone, so, so, alone. I have friends who call me and people who talk to me, but they don't want to talk to the real me. They only want to talk to who I've become. Im weird, I'm different, I never quite fit in. I realized that around 14 and decided I needed to change and become friends with all the popular girls. So I did, and it worked, and before I knew it I was partying with all the "cool" kids. I went from being a complete loser to doing kegstands. But it didn't make me happy. Instead, I found myself more alone... just surrounded by a bunch of superficial bitches who didn't give a shit about me and could care less if I was dead. They only liked me because I was the only one who actually cared about them, and they knew it, so they take advantage of me. I'm the one who drives them around and fixes there problems. But they don't care about me. I went to rehab for two weeks suddenly and unexpectedly. I resorted to oxy to cure my depression, and ended up getting in trouble with the law bad, and dissapeared without telling a single person. When I got back, I turned on my cell phone. No calls. No texts. When I went back to school my "best friend" told me all about her homecoming delima, and no one asked about rehab. That was the first time I really saw that the world could go on without me. I had just gotten done with the most intensive two weeks of my life and I was shot down when I needed help the most. And things are just getting worse now. On friday I got alchohol poisoning at the school football game and had to go to the hospital. Now I'm suspended for a week and, again, no one cares. Everyone is still talking about this weekends parties.
Trust me, just because your not alone doesn't meen your not lonely. In some ways, having friends who don't give two shits about you is worse than having no friends at all... I hate feeling like this. I feel so used, so taken advantage of, so uninportant and so unlistened too. I don't belong at my high school and I don't belong here... I'm only a junior but still I'm so done. They are all such selfish synical people... when our best friend died from drunk driving in April they were out drinking the next weekend, and I'm not even half the person he was. If I died they wouldn't even come to my funeral. I'm so unexplanibly lonely... just a 16 year old girl who's completely fake. They all think I'm like them. Gross boys are always using me and only talk to me because they want some action. No one loves me for me. No one ever talks to me just to talk. They always need something... a favor, a hookup, a ride... I am so lonely I can feel my heart breaking.