I used to have a best friend, but my bitchiness tore us apart. I always thought of myself as a nice person until I pushed her away, and the sad part is that I was trying to seem more 'cool.' Now I feel like I've fucked up so much that I don't deserve a new best friend, and I know for a fact that she will never trust me again. My new friends are jerks, and I now have self confidence below the floor. My best friend was the person who kept me sane, she reminded me to smile. Now I don't know what it even feels like to truly laugh, let alone be comfortable around my peers. I'm worried I screwed up my life too much already, and I'm still only in high school. I have walls set up to guard me from the opposite sex, and I don't even know who I am anymore. And what I have become, I hate more than anything. | |
I believe that the friendship was your main issue. At the core of every person who is going through a low in life, there is one main thing at the heart of the depression. I believe yours is the friendship, so that needed to be addressed. However, on a side note, I noticed you mentioned about having a guard up from the opposite sex. That is not necessarily a BAD thing. Some men take that as "hard to get" and even will make you appear like a prize... unlike the stereotypical "easy" girl. So, cheer up! Do not be ashamed of that :)
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