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Posted by anonymous at October 13, 2011
Tags: Abuse  Anxiety  Attitude  Childhood  2011 October

For the past 23 years of my young life, I have tried. Tried to be normal, tried to succeed tried to... just function in a world that seemingly will not have me.
As a young child, I suffered abuses, both verbal and physical (my most vivid recollection was of my father beating my head off of a brick chimney wall at six years old for being afraid of the dark; that or the times they followed me around with video cameras screaming at me because I had wet the bed (I would have been maybe 5-6?).
Well, being resilient and a trooper to the end (and not knowing what normality was ta that point) I continued along life's road. Only at the age of nine, to be repeatedly molested by my older cousin. Such, are the evil things in life.
At the age of eleven, my family had moved out into the country, to redo a house (one of my mother's hobbies), and then, lo and behold, it burned down (theorized by investigators as to have been caused by my kid's 'non flammable' chem set). Awesome, right?
Well, the teenage years did not improve, having been home-schooled until ninth grade, I had all the social prowess of a rock. Degrading into a state of constant panic and anxiety; I became crippled in my avoidance of that which I hated, and turned to many suicidal extremes (though it wasn't the first time I had tried to kill myself, I was five the first time). My parents then decided I needed therapy; not from a therapist though, but rather, from them. Their version of therapeutic, was to strip my room of all my 'distracting' belongings (but for an old piano, I suppose because they didn't want to move it, weighed a ton). So, alone, going on fifteen, struggling to understand who I was; I sat... In a bare room with no sheets and shelves with no possessions to cling to. With every semblance of safety ripped away, I cracked. I began, somehow; to dissociate from reality entirely. Instead of losing my marbles, I became sociopathic to an extreme. I began to question at my school why such things had happened to me, and as surely as I opened my mouth; I was whisked away and CYS was knocking at my parents door for my siblings. I was sent to a residential Treatment Facility which I will simply refer to as 'the Glade'. It is was in this facility that I would remain until I turned eighteen, and chose to leave of my own free will.
Now, I am 23, and have no future. I am crippled socially, and psychologically. I have been fed more pills and medical jargon than one man's life can take. You know what... Life, sucks. Because, all I ever wanted, was love; from somewhere, from someone... Security, from somewhere, from someone.
But no. I, am the dying angel. Never meant to be a part of this world. That is my lot, and THAT, is where I stand.
~Thanks


Votes:


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Comments:
By anonymous at 29,Nov,11 17:44

bwahh!! Loser!! ha ha..

I love bagging on losers!!!
By anonymous at 06,Dec,11 00:34

YOU ARE A ASS WIPE, HAHA YOU ARE THE REAL LOSER HERE
By at 23,Mar,12 21:52

Comment above is right you must be careful what you say, it WILL come back on you like a boomerang.
You sound life a stupid immature 14 yr old assaulting people for fun on your mom's computer.
I just hope things will happen to you worse than the storyteller's.
By anonymous at 06,Dec,11 15:39 Fold Up

YOU WILL PAY ONE DAY FOR THAT
By anonymous at 06,Feb,12 04:00 Fold Up

Your just a shitty ass bitch who thinks they can talk when ppl are dying all cause if ppl like you you kill ppl with word you have death on your hands so how do u feel now bitch ur probs a loser to
By at 23,Mar,12 22:00

Hope all you immature pigshits get your eyes burned out and then die from pain and go to hell for ragging on people like that.
Worthless scum!
And as for you the storyteller don't listen to those pigshits their words will pay off some day. I just wish I could help you somehow :(


By anonymous at 29,Nov,11 22:51

im sorry u had to go through all of that bullshit......someone out there does care. i read the whole thing


By anonymous at 29,Nov,11 23:36

Im sorry you have been dealt some shitty cards in life. Dont pay attention to that ignorant asshole who is trying to bring you down. obviously he has similiar issues and has to make him (or her) self feel better by ragging on you.


By anonymous at 30,Nov,11 02:53

i think that its a great thing to know that all of the shit isnt your fault.
any one who could write about his/her problems like you, is on the road to crack the shell of the sickness that other sick people has implanted in him/her.
i'm sure you are going to find love, maby away from your freraking family.
i allways say to myself that my sorrow is my fuel that will bring to my better life.
by the way im 23 and im having a never ending conflict with the ruins of my sick sanity.


By anonymous at 30,Nov,11 09:07

yes I agree- your life sucks. I wish I could offer some words of consolation... hopefully you'll get the love and security you crave one day.


By anonymous at 06,Dec,11 15:38

To the prick that is trying to bring down a person that is on a downer one day you could find your self on a low ebb and will want comfort.You are quite a sick person go see a docter cause its people like you that make people feel bad


By anonymous at 06,Dec,11 15:45

HANG ON IN THERE MATE YOU ARE NOT ALONE I TO HAD IT CRUEL MOST OF MY LIFE.BE STRONG AS YOU CAN BE.PEOPLE DONT UNDERSTAND MENTAL ILLNESS ITS HELL IT SELF.I TO ARE ON ALOT OF MEDS AND THE SIDE AFFECTS ALONE ARE A BATTLE.I CUT MY OWN FACE UP SO STRESSED AND DEPRESSED LIFE IS HARD FOR MOST BUT HARDER WHEN YOU HAVE BEEN ABUSED


By anonymous at 07,Dec,11 21:54

What ever! Shut up all you with your FAKE "sweet"COMMENTS!!


By anonymous at 12,Dec,11 20:04

Be strong, you can get the life you want


By at 16,Dec,11 16:59

Have you ever thought of writing? You are obviously intelligent, and your style is well written. Maybe you should try writing about your own experiences, and speak out against abuse. Or, if you have a big imagination, how about a nice escape into the world of fiction?

Just a thought.


By at 16,Dec,11 17:03

Also, I would like to say that with the extreme rise in narcissism and psychopathy in this country, there are going to be a LOT more children who will go through exactly what you went through. I know avoidance is just about the hardest thing on earth, but maybe you could find a way to volunteer or help some of these children?

Even if you feel as though you have no love in your life, the best thing you can do for yourself is give love to someone else.


By anonymous at 17,Dec,11 16:23

I've chosen to believe the Jesus Christ cared enough to die on the cross for me and that when I die I will be in Heaven. He cares and He loves me and that helps me deal with life.


By anonymous at 27,Dec,11 22:34

YOUR LIFE SUCKS PERRA


By anonymous at 28,Dec,11 20:58

Be strong eventually you'll be happy, just hang on!


By anonymous at 25,Mar,12 02:30

i can offer another chapter to add to this book of life we each write. it would be a peaceful chapter.
Dnote420@yahoo.com email me.


By anonymous at 01,Jul,12 09:27

I'm an 18 year old girl who knows how you feel. You are so young and you just can't give up. It's so easy for people to tell you to get over it but let God be your shelves and sheets and all the thiings that your parents and other people took away from you. Let him replenish your life and if not him, than something/someone else. Believe me when I say, we're all dealing with something within. I spend my life researching and trying to make sense of life. Trying to understand why. I'll love you. All I know is what you've revealed here but I'm so deeply moved by where this has taken you. Love yourself because you deserve it.


By marseille nike free 5.0 + bleu o at 07,Nov,14 01:47

Luned?scorso. Obama pare intenzionato a dare all’Fbi il potere di intercettare Email e siti visitati di qualunque utente senza dover chiedere il permesso del giudice. En 2008 elle obtient la nationalit?américaineLe 18 novembre 2008 elle est nommée Messagère de la paix des Nations unies pour son action envers les enfants pauvres d'Afrique du SudLe 4 décembre 2009 elle est la présentatrice du tirage au sort de la coupe du monde de football 2010 au Cap (Afrique du Sud) événement diffus?dans 200 pays et suivi par plus de 200 millions de téléspectateurs Au cours de la répetition générale elle tire du chapeau la France en disant Ireland ce qui a caus?la stupeur des organisateurs de la manifestationElle apparat dans la pub J'adore de Christian Dior Elle est également présente dans le clip Crossfire le premier single solo de Brandon Flowers après un an de podiums, mais ne supportant plus le comportement de Taylor, si allea con chi va al governo E rilancia la tassa sulla finanza Sull'economia: "Nuotiamo o affondiamo insieme" Non solo alloggi hanno permesso di individuare meglio l’area del bisogno e quindi i criteri per assegnare l’aiuto a chi ne ha davvero pi?bisogno elle est d’abord pigiste ?Sud Ouest et France 3 Champagne-Ardenne puis débute sa carrière de présentatrice sur Bloomberg TV ce dimanche 21 octobre con Arpisella ho un rapporto da amico"Feltri (video): "Contro la Marcegaglia non c'?? mai stato nulla" Tutti i flop del magistrato che spia i vip Il capo della procura Lepore accusa Sallusti lo querela per diffamazioneLibert?? di stampa:


By Bobs at 15,May,17 01:29

Boom shlkaaaka boom boom, problem solved.


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