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going downhill

Posted by artifex at October 26, 2011
Tags: Juvenile problems  Loneliness  2011 October

I am currently 20 years old, freshman at a terrible community college because my family can't afford a real school. I live with my parents who try, but have managed their entire life poorly. I used to play sports in highschool, i used to have friends, had a beautiful girlfriend for a long time whom I was sure i was going to marry. Ever since highschool my entire life has went to the opposite direction, i worked a couple of worthless jobs making little to no money, i felt no purpose so I decided to go back to school. I am currently sitting here in my parents house alone, I dont know one "friend' i could call right now and say "help" and they would. Yesterday was my birthday, i didn't get anything, but i ended up blowing 50 dollars on a girl who is using me for when she's mad at her boyfriend(s). My parents are too busy to care, my friends dont care, and I have no one. I've tried talking to a couple of girls, but none are interested. My mind tells me I'm ok, but my insides just hurt at the thought of being as lonely as i am. I need serious help, but I'm afraid to ask for it. I'm fighting an emotional battle with my self everyday not to think about suicide. I live in the middle of nowhere, and I know I will be worthless for the rest of my life and theres nothing i can do about it.


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New Comment

Comments:
By anonymous at 06,Dec,11 21:53

Hope you're feeling better. I think everyone has time's in their life where they feel like that, but you're certainly not worthless. I went to a community college in a rural town for a year and a half before I transferred to a university, and I've worked jobs since I was a sophmore in high school. My parents, who are divorced, have helped out where they could, but mostly I've payed my way through college with the help of grants. I'm currently a senior and still debt free! You choose the direction your life takes; no one else, and not some arbitrary fate or your past circumstances. I also had a pretty bad breakup during my senior year of high school, and dindn't date another girl for two years, and even that relationship only lasted a month. At the end of the day though, it's you, and whether or not you have friends who care, it's up to you to decide whether or not you care for them, which is more important that anything else, because it determines what type of a person you are. You have to have respect for yourself, or pretty much no one will respect you.

Things get better, so don't be done on yourself. Work hard, and life can take you pretty much anywhere. I know words do very little, but trust me that things get better.

“A single gentle rain makes the grass many shades greener. So our prospects brighten on the influx of better thoughts. We should be blessed if we lived in the present always, and took advantage of every accident that befell us, like the grass which confesses the influence of the slightest dew that falls on it; and did not spend our time in atoning for the neglect of past opportunities, which we call doing our duty. We loiter in winter while it is already spring.”

-Henry david Thoreau


By WTH at 07,Dec,11 02:15

mmm artifex I know you are having a hard time, but life isnt the problem here... you are. At 16yrs old, completely new to a city with ZERO friends or famille or governement help I worked 3 "worthless jobs" so i could finish HIGHSCHOOL. I wasnt a braniac, or "strong person", (it took me an extra year of school to get my diploma) but i wanted a change so I made the simplist choice there was "NOT TO BE LAZY & MAKE EXCUSES" for the things i had no control over. You control yourself. Your family is there to "support you emotionally" but you are WAY past allowance time. You are TWENTY, & no job is BENEATH you. Get out into the world already. Its fine to live at home, its not fine to expect others to do all the work for you to have an "easier" time with everyday life decisions. Grow up already.


By anonymous at 07,Dec,11 02:21

you want a better college work hard at your grades & get a scholarship. You want money get a job. You dont want to get "played" then stop acting like a "woe is me freshman in H.S." Your problem is apparant... You have been given your way much too easily at home. Spoled comes in many forms. You are a bigger USER than the girl who got 50$ off you. Stop hiding behind baby excuses trying to justify why you are just being LAZY & SELFISH.


By anonymous at 07,Dec,11 16:56

some ppl in the middle of nowhere never finish school. i would make that a priority. if you need human company some times a hobby really didtracts from that. a computer is good . there lots to do . semms you dont want to be single. maybe lower the standard and hang with anyone who asks. and meet more in a chain. who cares if you never even move out. emotional happyness is allway the first priority it depends on what you tell yourself to be happy about. maybe you have too much pressure to live up to some false mtv glamour reality you think is norm. whats norm? look arround. not norm can be norm. stay away from tv and take a walk.


By anonymous at 08,Dec,11 02:03

Go kill your self or shut up..MAKE A CHOICE, BUT PRONTO!!!!!!


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