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I don't see any future

Posted by Betrayed at October 29, 2011
Tags: 2011 October  Relationship

I'm in my early 50s and I've been married now for over 20 years. I like sex but I'm a pretty insecure person (I have a lot of baggage from my childhood) so a little timid about initiating and I've had very few partners before marriage. I'm in good physical shape still, 6' tall and just under 180pounds while my wife has let herself go a little and has gained a fair bit of weight.

Sometimes she seems a little distant and when I do make overtures for sex I don't get the sense she's interested. We do have sex, just not frequently - I end up masturbating a lot for release. We have two teenage kids, a nice suburban home, very little debt - probably looks pretty good from the outside, used to look pretty good to me too.

About three years back I lost my pretty high paying management job due to a reorganization - I'd always been the primary breadwinner, but it was a miserable job.

I looked around for a while but was really having a hard time even getting interviews despite a pretty strong resume. I suspected it was my age. Around the same time my wife got the opportunity to get a better job (which I'd always thought she deserved but she was stuck in a job where she did all the work and got no recognition / promotion). She wasn't sure about it, but I believed in her - I've always been her biggest cheerleader.

She took the job while I started up my own work-from-home business so I could take care of the kids (Mr. Mom), do all the picking up / driving around, laundry, cooking..... so she could really focus on the job, where she has been really successful.

I have a lot of social anxiety - have had a couple of panic attacks in 'party' situations which I tend to avoid. Losing my job I also lost most of my social connections. I'm not from the US originally so I have no family and all my college/school friends are in another country and I've lost contact over the years.

At this point I have no real friends or family to talk to about anything. I've always been a loner and thought my wife and I were going to grow old together...

Last year I caught my wife doing some graphic sexting with several guys she 'met' online. She was taking dirty photos of herself and posting them online. There were even some hints at considering meeting some of the people she was chatting with. We went to therapy together and I thought we'd addressed it. I hoped the shock of being caught and potentially wrecking her marriage and hurting her kids with her behavior would put a stop to it. She seemed really sorry.

I'd check her PC once in a while, but I really thought we were through it.

This week I noticed she'd installed Skype on the laptop she uses. I couldn't see much evidence of anything specific, but I was concerned. Next day when she went to work she left her instant messager logged on - I checked the history and found more graphic chats with three different guys. Reading through them I found she and a friend of hers had gone out drinking together and my wife had ended up giving some big black (she made a point of mentioning that a few times) physical fitness coach a blow job in the parking lot and then having sex with him. She'd met up with him for casual sex a few more times over the months since.

I confronted her and she admitted it, reluctantly. She's gone back to therapy this week, but has already indicated she can't promise me she'll stop her destructive behavior. She has been drinking too much for a while and its part of her problem.

I suggested she go stay with her parents who live nearby until she figures out what she wants but she won't go - says she's not welcome there.

I'm sleeping in the spare bedroom right now - I go in after the kids go to bed and get up before they do as I'm trying to hide what is going on from them. Part of why I have my own personality issues is because of my father cheating and abandoning my brother and me with my slightly crazy mother. So this is my worst nightmare for them.

When I was in my late teens I tried (not very effectively) to kill myself by drinking a half bottle of scotch and taking whatever pills I could find at home. I went off to die in a wooded lot but just threw up all night and passed out instead. I tried a couple of other things even less effectively (as I didn't have the balls to go through with it).

I feel have no future. I have no obvious way out of the situation. The only person in my life that I have EVER trusted fully has betrayed me. I have minimal earning capacity, and I'm trying to shield my kids from everything. I'm not sure what is going on in my wife's head anymore.... the bottom has completely fallen out of my life.

If it wasn't for the kids I might kill myself - I have a bottle of painkillers from an ankle injury a while back. The only motivation I have left is the kids.

If you read this thanks. I wish I could say writing this has been cathartic but I just don't see my hope.


New Comment

By anonymous at 11,Dec,11 23:54

I wish you the best of luck. One life, that's what we get. Don't compare it to others. Find something that makes you happy and go towards it. Love yourself.

By anonymous at 16,Dec,11 03:03

Don't give up. You'll get through it all. Be strong.

By anonymous at 03,May,12 02:26

I don't know what to tell you
do you know why your wife is not physically attracted to you anymore?
she is worst than me.
is it a midlife crisis for her? I guess she is around you age. Which mean this phase will soon be over.

I'm a cheater too. I have a wife but she is not physically attracted to me anymore. We rarely have sex. I do know where our problem comes from though. It is the financial stress. I got so frustrated I got myself a girlfriend. But I don't fuck anyone else other than these 2 women. By the way I am 45. I know I'm going through a midlife crisis.

may be you should do the same to get even
get a divorse . At your at your age is not s good idea.

By crorkz at 05,Aug,14 17:36

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By crorkz at 05,Aug,14 20:25

TwFMKF Thank you ever so for you article post.Really thank you!

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