I've been trying to figure out how to move forward in life this last little while, but a part of me still just wants to give in, give up, die and get this life over with. There are a variety of reasons for this.
Some of it, I have long realized, are problems I internalized when I was a kid, which would be a cop out for me personally if it weren't for all the other compounding issues. My house burned down at 17, almost leaving me homeless, and I knew I was sick at 13. I left my home state at 17 and was diagnosed with Crohn's Disease that same year. I was thrown by a bus at 25, injuring my back and neck. Was stupid not to just sue them and be set, but, that was me at the time, too forgiving for my own good. I also got divorced at 25. My teeth have taken a beating; and at this point I don't know if I will be able to keep them by the time I can afford to see a dentist. Everything else just seems boring, like the idea of life is a black and white thing and that I'll never really fit into it the way I should. I want more than that, I want to do things that interest me and make me happy; trouble is, I don't know what those things are anymore. At this point I heavily doubt I will ever see another relationship, and while I think about getting my life in order; the question becomes: "For what, to continue to struggle as I revolve on this dust ball?" I just no longer know who I am supposed to be or what I am supposed to do.