Haven't really had a friend since school/college, part of it is that's just my personality, whether I like it or not (not), I'm shy, socially inept and it takes a lot for me to trust someone. Most of my life I haven't minded too much as I've always had ONE person there. My girlfriend. She broke the relationship a few weeks ago, after nine years, as she wanted different things and things had got stagnant, even I agreed with that. It's now I've realised I've lost my best and only friend, and as a result have no-one in the entire world. Parents are both dead, as are grandparents, no immediate close family. No-one. Sometimes I laugh at how utterly pathetic how it's got to this, sometimes I think of ways to just end it, sometimes I convince myself this is what I want. Sometimes I vow to change. However, it's usually somewhere in the middle of all those, ie. googling "I feel lonely" then typing my innermost thoughts to reading strangers who don't give a damn.
In a weird way it's comforting to know there are others in the same place i.e. lonely and have become a bit of social outcast without wanting to.
Let's get this straight, yes, maybe the entire world doesn't give a toss about you, but do you give a toss about the entire world? The millions of people who may feel exactly the same thing? Na, you don't. It's difficult to care about people you don't even know.
Get out there, into the world, be yourself, and meet people, force yourself to do it, one day you'll enjoy it and one day someone will notice you, care for you and love you.
Be interested in people and some of them will be interested in you. You're a long time dead. What you got to lose?
I'd love to take my own advice, but it's scary. Potential rejection is scary. Plus I'm hoping my ex has an aneurysm, causing amnesia, and ultimately completely forgets the last few weeks and still thinks she's going out with me.
It's a long shot, I know.
Life can suck, but take comfort that there are millions of people in the world who'd cut their own feet off to be you. Use your potential before it's too late.
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