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I hate my life

Posted by anonymous at November 8, 2011
Tags: Attitude  Family  2011 November

It all started when I was a little boy. My mother raised me by herself. I don't know who my father is, I don't even know his name. My mother should of had an abortion because she couldn't even provide for us. We lived with family for a while, but mostly lived in a car. Moved to five states because she couldn't find a job. When I was 15 I had to sleep behind a dumpter in an apartment complex in Dallas. My mother lied on a reseme to get a job as an apartment manager, which she did for 16 years, averaging two different jobs a year. Which meant we moved at least twice a year between those five states. I could never keep friends. My mother "home schooled" me sense we moved so much. But she never taught me a f-ing thing. I wouldn't even know how to spell if I hadn't started using the library computers to chat.

When I turned 18 we had been living in a car with 3 big dogs for two years. She wasn't working of course, but always had some "get rich quick" thing she would try..which never worked. She made me get a job to support us. I got a job as a painter for $10 an hour. Every check I got went for food, gas, and dog food. I had to lie to everyone at work about my life. I couldn't tell anyone the truth. It was too embarressing.

Sense we lived in a car, I couldn't take showers. I had to wash off in public bathrooms. Brush my teeth in public bathrooms. No social life. Sleeping in a wall*mart parking lot in a f-ing car with three dogs in the back seat and my stupid, worthless f-ing b**ch loser of a mother in the seat next to me.

I busted my ass at work and got raise after raise until 3 years later I was making $18 an hour and still going nowhere in my life. Fighting with my mother was a daily thing. I hate that b**ch just as much today as I did the day she kicked me out of the car and screamed at me to get the f*ck out of her car and get the fu*k out of her life.

Since that day I have been doing much better and got myself into a pretty nice one bedroom house. I still bust my ass at work and am now the lead painter of a great company. Although I know if I had been given the chance (steady home, graduate high school, college ect.) I could really be enjoying my life. I could be something so much more. I'm just a f-ing painter with a past I can't tell anyone. I suffer from depression horribly. I have no family, they are all dead to me. I have no one that cares about me. All I have is my job. That's f-ing it. My life sucks. I spent so many years sleeping in a f-ing car hungry and cold. All my teenage years, wasted. No friends. I wish I was dead. I'm only 24 now and feel my life is at its end.


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New Comment

By anonymous at 18,Dec,11 22:30

so sorry to hear you had such a rotten childhood. but you sound like you are trying hard to better yourself and your life. keep can get better.............I lost my only son 6 years ago. He was killed at the age of 21. I can't change what happened to me. You can't change what happened to you. But we can choose how we decide to live our futures. I've had 6 six years of struggle, and I still struggle every day with my loss, but I choose to go on living and each day does get a tiny bit better. I hope and pray that your life improves. Just keep trying.

By anonymous at 19,Dec,11 00:08

Your past really wasnt wasted. Look at who you are, head painter, eloquent, self supporting, smart, self sufficient, resilient. Thank your crazy pants mother for being such a great character builder. Move on, she nuts-ok-your not-at least you know what crazy is and your not it!! Have you ever had anyone say-Im proud of you!! If not Ill say it now. Im proud of you-your amazing. My mom was a nut bag. Im not. She taught me the difference-I thank her for that much. You are light years away from crazy-recognize your depression-find a way to talk to your doctor and get a little help if needed. Love is still worth believing in.

By anonymous at 19,Dec,11 13:42

First time here just wanted to say 18$ an hour? That is really high, maybe that's the norm in the US i don't know but it seems like a lot of money at 24.. I'm 26 and if i would make half of that i would be happy.. (and i have an engineering degree...)

By anonymous at 20,Dec,11 00:07

Dumb fucks
By anonymous at 20,Dec,11 04:35

: o

By anonymous at 20,Dec,11 00:09

Grab yr balls and be a. Man, you have alot more then alot of people, quit bitching and man up!!!! Dam people are wussys anymore!!!
By anonymous at 20,Dec,11 04:36

: o how rude..

By anonymous at 20,Dec,11 00:14

20 years of married to a fucking whore, one day came home from busting my ass for her to see everything gone in the house, even the dog, and a note saying sorry, I love someone else I. Met him on line, goodbye, she left the alarm clock. So I wouldn't be late for work!!! Lol bitch, it hurts like he'll, but life is full of problems, move on brother!!!

By anonymous at 20,Dec,11 04:41

I try, but i can't... It hurts to much to move on. :_(__

By anonymous at 20,Dec,11 21:51

at least you can paint.

By anonymous at 21,Dec,11 22:02

I cant even paint man.. :_(__

By at 22,Dec,11 01:53

Go to school dude. You write decently and you're life is going no where as a painter, you might as well try school out. You can get financial aid and scholarships and you can work your way through college! Thats what im doing and it's worked out pretty well for myself so far =]

By anonymous at 27,Dec,11 20:58

You went from pretty much homeless to getting into a house yourself. That in itself is pretty damn amazing the way things are today.

By anonymous at 02,Jan,12 08:30

Don't be so afraid to share that you had a difficult 'past'. Choices your mom made for the two of you, were not your fault or your choice. Your choice has been to better your life. You deserve a lot of credit and pats on the back for that. Be proud that you have suceeded in making a decent life for yourself. Seriously! You have much to be proud of. We all have sucky things that happen to us. None of us have had perfect lives. It's how we choose to deal with those sucky things, and how we chose to live our individual lives that show what kind of person each of us is. You are a very strong person.
I was adopted. I actually met my birth parents when I became an adult. They are both a bit strange, and neither of them show much interest in me, which hurts, but I can't change them. There are no 'blood' relatives very interested in me either. That hurts too, sometimes. However, I have lots of friends that care about me. I concentrate my time and my love towards them. We can't pick our 'relatives' But we can pick who we want to share our lives with. Smile, stand up straight, try to appreciate the good things you have earned for yourself, and surround yourself with good people who truly care about you. Life is worth it if you work hard, keep a positive attitude, and look at the glass as half full.

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