When I was five years old my parents got a divorce, I wan't old enough to understand that my dad cheated on my mom and gave her an std. My mom got custody of me and my sister. At 7 my mom met my step dad and life just hit the fan. Shortly after they met my step brother molested me and being a 7 year old I didn't understand that that was bad it was just a game we played. So I thought that all little boys did that so I ended up (unknowingly at the time) molesting my cousin, my best friend, and a mentally disabled kid. I still hate myself to this day for it. My hole life I have been abused, picked fun at, and made to do things I didn't want to do by my two step brothers and step dad. My step dad would beat the shit out of me and I would call the cops but since "noone saw anything, and there were no marks" he got off free. My school life was shit because 1. we were always moving so I never really got to stick to one school. 2. My step brothers were the "cool kids" and well you know how much they hated me, so everyone else hated me also. I never really got to make my own impression on people at school. I never really knew my dad, I only knew the every other weekend I got to spend at his house, but really I just played videogames while he sat on the computer all weekend and got drunk while I had to listen to everything my step mom told me to do. There were even times when my mom wouldn't let me and my sister go with him because he was too drunk when he came to pick us up. At 16 I got sick and tired of all the physical and mental abuse and I moved in with my dad. That same year I started smoking pot to get my mind off all the shitty parts of my life. About a month ago I witnessed a horrible suicide in my house, he wasn't really close to me just my cool stepbrothers best friend. Now I am 18 years old and my two best friends are in love with my girlfriend, and I'm in love with my girlfriend, but it seems like she doesn't give a shit about me anymore, she is always ditching school to hang out with her ex, and she never comes around anymore. And so I'm sitting here listening to old 90's music writing this thing that probably nobody cares about just to get it off my chest. Yes I know life probably gets better, but it also probably gets worse.