LIFE SUCKS

Ever Feel Like What You're Doing is Just Not Enough?

Some people look at me and they see that I have everything going for me. I am a junior in college with a 3.65gpa, in the Honors Program, a great job as a Resident Aid (aka an RA), I have a few good friends that I know I can talk to for anything, I have an amazing boyfriend for the past 5 years, and I'm doing me all by myself (no financial aid from parents, etc.). The thing is, I constantly feel like I'm not doing enough; my gpa could (and needs to) be higher, I should be doing more in classes, more volunteer work, more for my boyfriend and family, and the list goes on. For example, when I was in junior high, I fell in love with volleyball. I was really good at it (played varsity and won MVP once) and wanted to continue playing in high school, but the school didn't have a team. I then decided that I would play in college but after 4 years of high school, the hope of playing really declined and the addition of 50lbs didn't help either. Another example, I woke up this morning and found in my college's newspaper that 8, yes 8 of friends of mine were indicted into Phi Kappa Phi (a very prostegious honors society that I have had my eye on for over a year). Their selection process is very rigorous but I know that my gpa and everything is just as high as my 8 friends; so I'm wondering how I could have missed an invitation. I feel like asking my friends but I'm afraid my jealousy might take over. On top of everything my life is quickly approaching graduation; in only 3 months I'll be taking the GREs and in 10 months I'll be applying for grad school. I'm absolutely terrified. Competition for my major is extremely high and I feel like my crappy gpa won't cut it. Sad thing is, is that with my major I litterally cannot do anything with a bachelor's degree... I need a masters in order to get the job that I want. Speaking of "job that I want" I don't even know what I want. I've been planning out my classes for senior year and I am taking an extra four 400 level classes so that I can hopefully apply to other grad schools in different yet similar professions or med school. I feel that I should know what I want by now, but I still haven't got a clue. Plus it doesn't help that my family doesn't think I can do it. I am the youngest out of 3; my oldest brother dropped out of college, lost 300lbs and joined the navy - he's doing very well for himself now, but when he was my age he was in a very dark place. My second brother dropped out of college after a year, doesn't have a job, doesn't know how to pay his bills, still lives at home, and just smokes pot all day. I don't know how or why, but both of my parents kiss the ground they walk on. My dad and dad's side of the family thinks my oldest brother shits gold, and my mom has her head so far up my second brothers ass that it's scary. I guess I'm just feelling a little unappreciated and unsupported by my family. I mean, I'm constantly away at college, I work hard to pay all of my school fees, and I don't really ask my family for much. Am I doing something wrong here? Well anyway, here is my rant on how shitty my seemingly unshitty life is. Hope it makes you guys feel a little better about yourselves. Stay strong!