my life sucks. i had always been the unwanted child growing up. when my dad split my mom who was a wacky hypercatholic armenian woman vented all her hatred she had for my dad on me. she was the town nutjob and i think its in my genes too. i never had any self esteem after growing up with that hateful woman (who i do love despite it all). ive always felt worthless. i cant have lasting relationships because the crazy in my blood drives women away eventually. i am also pathetically unmotivated right now due to a suicidal depression ive been dealing with. i had a kid with a stripper and she split 3 months after the kid was born because i was having trouble making money. i only had trouble for a couple months during which she went back to work and that was enough reason for her to break up the family we had just begun. i love my kid so much but i can only afford to see him 2 days a week and shes threatening to leave the state and bring the kid with her to live with her parents if i dont start taking him half the time. i had a breakdown during that time and almost killed myself and ever since then i havent gone a day without thoughts of suicide.
the worst thing of all is i know i can do better so i can move into a bigger apartment and have a full time nanny move in but im so pathetically depressed that i cant seem to muster the initiative to do better than live month to month in a one bedroom and thus cant have a nanny and thus can only see my kid on my days off. theres no fun in my life, my ex has destroyed any fragments of self respect i may have had and i feel like i have nothing to offer the opposite sex so i dont even try. my siblings and father have all been tough hardworking happy people and im just this weird anomaly, a total pussy. i have met a few girls since the breakup who seem interested in me (for what reason i have no idea, they are probably crazy) but i would end up ignoring them after talking to them a few times when they would want to eventually hang out bc im afraid of dating them and bringing all this baggage in their life ie:my baby, my depression which i hide from other people but eventually will spill out and ruin everything, the fact i dont have a car, barely enough money to survive much less go out on dates with, my busted infected tooth which i cant afford to get replaced and i smoke a pack a day between the two makes kissing me about equivalent to chewing on a bacteria drenched cigar butt, the fact that i sweat like a hog during sex to the point it looks like a took a shower, and that they could probably do better than me going out with some random craigslist psycho. depression is a vicious hellbitch and the collateral damage is adding to it. cant seem to ditch the suicidal thoughts. | |
Do you not want to see your son again? Smelly body for sex? Take a shower. Broken teeth? Kiss with close mouth and a breathing nose and brush your teeth the right way and eat way more plant based food. Remember to flush your mouth after meaty food and sweet food.
Self pity to the point you cant date? Be an arrogant fuck and learn to use other like your ex used you. The last thing you need is a woman as fuck up as your-self to parent a child with you, so set your mind right and bring him up like a man. Go fuck up your troubles.
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