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You think you drink alot??

Posted by anonymous at November 23, 2011
Tags: Alcohol  2011 November  Tragic Events

I know i'm going to do nothing but make myself look bad..but..It's cheaper than therapy... Anyway, here we go. I'm 29 now.. I've been drinking around 7 beers a day for the last year or so now..weekends sometimes much, much more..I admit, I thought it wasn't a big deal at first..I grew up in a loving yet emotionally-detatched family, and beer has always been around me...started drinking when I turned 18 or so...because I was shy and insecure..it was never more than maybe a 12 pack a week..

That might still seem like a lot to some but, I think I really started to lose control after my girlfriend died 3 years ago...I really have never hurt so much in my life, and still do...Since she's been gone, I have completly lost all confidence in myself, I feel so lost without her..the funny thing is, towards the end..We drifted apart..We fought a lot..I never hit her or anything..but the truth is, most of my friends and family didn't think we were good for each other but it didn't matter..I Loved her..you see..she didn't have a family really..she had a fucked-up childhood..and her mom and dad both died when she was young..She always seemed so haunted..but she was Beautiful..

..I saw her in this hospital bed a day before she died with all these tubes going down her throat helping her breathe because she had no brain-activity.....I knew right there...I wasn't going to be able to handle seeing that..So..I talked about it with people..But, the hollowness I felt never seemed to go away..I haven't dated since all this has happened..and I can't find any closure for many different reasons..So, I started drinking more..knowing that it was only going to make things harder for me..But I didn't give a shit...I was a wreck..got into the drugs off and on also...

I feel so guilty and so sad anymore for soo many different reasons..can't sleep very much..every mistake I make I can't let go of..I've prayed to god for forgiveness..for him to help me..for strength..because I feel so weak. But I don't feel anything...just empty..
I work my ass off Monday thru Friday like most..I drink a lot of beer..because i'm sad...It just sucks...and It's all my fault...

So Lesson is boys and girls....don't drink to escape pain...



Votes:


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Comments:
By at 29,Dec,11 04:33

zztgybv


By anonymous at 29,Dec,11 20:40

Hang in there..God will rescue you.


By anonymous at 30,Dec,11 05:09

Wow man your story is touching... hang in there and try to love again... im sure your girlfriend would not want you to be alone... she wants you to be happy...


By anonymous at 02,Jan,12 15:58

First off, god is not gonna help you with anything......second, if you're going to work monday-Friday then you don't have a real drinking problem but that doesn't mean one can't develop.....I was just like you till my divorce when I started drinking a half gallon every other day, and on weekends I was buying 2 30 packs of keystone and drinking it all alone......I've lost 2 jobs now due to my drinking......hopefully this doesn't happen to you


By anonymous at 07,Jan,12 20:49

Your faith in a higher power can get you through this, ha and im agnostic. Try alcoholics anonymous...


By anonymous at 01,Jun,12 01:16

Holy shit 7 beer.... 7 beer? Fuck I drink that much in the morning so I can force some breakfast down before work. Let me guess you drink lite beer. I don't think there is a problem here.


By Charlotte at 15,May,17 01:49

Play invmtoarife for me, Mr. internet writer.


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