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12 years alone

Posted by anonymous at November 24, 2011
Tags: Loneliness  Meaninglessness  2011 November

I am 29 years old but I have allays felt older ever since i was a kid L could never relate to if so a few people i never had a girlfriend in high school and I thought i was because I am shy with women but after 12 years it most be something in me that is broken I have never had a mining full relationship. i was living with my mother and brother until last year and that did not help me and after I moved away this feeling of anxiety hit me and i went out and I meet some women but I did not know how to treat them so I lost there affection that was short lived and the last woman I met I really liked her but one more I did not know what to do and after one encounter and my stupidity she do not want anything to do with me and for the past last moths i being in this depression That i don't want to do nothing or go out and the only thing that help me from feeling worst is pot because I went to get drunk and my depression got much deeper and this feeling of just want to be numb and the separation of the few friends that I got had not help and I the feeling of just wanting to ended all but i do not want to do to my mother of her son committing suicide just because i not happy will just bring more pain to her but I know if I die tomorrow only she will care and this is after I started watching suicide videos mostly the one of Budd Dwyer and thinking that be me one day because I do not know how long i can feel this way before i can't take more because i am so alone and unhappy that life is not word living this way and I feel that i don't belong any were and that i am repugnant to women but is all in my head and i do not know how to scape it I am 30 years old now and do not have reasons to live for and also i can't sleep well or get pleasure from any activity i am broken inside i do not why or how to fix it and also I do not dream any more and when i do is me the moment of my dead and it wakes me up and I feel my life is being a waste


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By anonymous at 28,Dec,11 19:28

everything u said is happening to me too, imagined problems but makin u feel like giving up because u cant be normal around girls.


By anonymous at 28,Dec,11 21:23

this is hard, life ,,,, know one said it would be easy only worth it, i am sorry for your pain, i too feel pain daily for the things that i have been through even things i havent yet, i suffer from an syndrome called POTS, seriously thats the name its ananotomic nerve disorder, fear comes from all angles the stress i get from it or it gives me the stress is hazardous to my health, almost feel not of this world my self everything scares me or i feel not good enough or this and that, i could go on, but the fact of it is i have it and its hard when you didnt ask for it, ive been divorce because of my health issues ive had 2 children , remarried now to someone who loves me and i dont even know how to take it it. keep asking myself will i ever be happy,once im up im down, i try to focus on things i can change not things i cant, it helps, Prayer helps, gods there couldnt get through a day with out him, suicide is not the answer, ive been there , been close, your worth more than you know , you just have to find you first, what im doing , im 30 also, ill pray for you and if you ask him he will give it to you i promise, you i prayer for my sweetheart and i got him!!!
By anonymous at 29,Dec,11 10:52

yea you just gotta look at the penguins, and base yourself on them, we are just animals at the end of the day, but dont blame yourself for the past, heres a link. http://www.bbc.co.uk/labuk/results/stress/ hope this helps, past traumatic events lead to self blame and rumination, and you need to change your though habbits, into its not my fault etc, which isnt easy, but dont be weak, everyone is more stressed these days as pole shows, so its quite normal to feel the way you do. Just know that it is in yourself to change your thought habbits, then you will be happy with the world, :)
By anonymous at 29,Dec,11 10:55

for example, one penguin steals another penguins nesting stones, does that penguin blame himself or think badly for rest of his/her life because he didnt see, of course not, thats just the fun of nature!:)
By anonymous at 29,Dec,11 11:54

For example someone posts a link telling you that you are equivalent to an animal and it turns out to be malware. Listen to your heart. If anything doesn't correspond to your heart, ignore it.


By anonymous at 29,Dec,11 11:53

You need to learn how to appreciate having a mind and a body that works. If you have a working mind.. ie not hearing voices, not possessed by any evil spirits, you are a very lucky person. Don't wait til you lose that to appreciate what you have now at this moment. You sound like you need to find inner peace. What do you want out of life? What do you want your life to be? Not work or money wise.. but spiritually. You have your own place now take the solitude to find yourself.


By anonymous at 30,Dec,11 06:47

It actually sounds like you have Psychotic Depression man. I've had it before, and you say you cant sleep OR get pleasure from any activity? Well those are two of it's major symptoms. I'd see a psychiatrist if I were you.


By anonymous at 30,Dec,11 20:22

u said exactly how i feel vicky.hot.tie@hotmail.com if u wanna talk some time


By anonymous at 31,Dec,11 13:18

Your life is not a waste ^.^ you just haven't found yourself yet. The first step to a meaningful relationship is knowing who you are, then finding a partner who completes you. If you don't know who you are, how can your partner know who you are? ^.^ go to the cinema, go for drinks, call a friend. Come on man get back out there :) life won't wait for you.


By buy cheap oem software at 08,Mar,12 06:16

JgibRb Major thankies for the article.Much thanks again. Really Great.


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