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Posted by James lopez at November 28, 2011
Tags: Family  Juvenile problems  2011 November

My name is James Lopez I am 15 years old. My life so far has been nothing but a string of depressing events starting from the day I got into elementary school. As a child I always got into trouble but I went to a school where no matter how old you were it wasn't cute if you did something wrong and so since I was a child who frequently got into trouble my principle said to my face at the age of 5 I wasn't going to become a good person. I think she was right. I was never a smart or good looking person in school I was obese and got bullied for it all of my elementary years. And I wasn't a smart child either. My grades now and then were barely enough to get me to the next grade. Then came my middle school years in 6th grade the bullying only got worse about my weight so in 6th grade I decided to starve my self until I lost pounds eventually I got skinny and was a little bit more noticed by the general crowd. But I had no friends so I had to follow and things that I normally wouldn't in order to gain what I thought to be at the time as "friends". I got into fights, stole things from the school, and got suspended almost regularly. And my parents (bless their hearts) always tried to comfort me even though I did not want them to. I hated them for reasons I do not know I just did not want to be around them even though they just wanted to see me smile again. I got into a fight so bad that I was expelled from school and the kid who I fought filed charges against me and my parents had to pay the price. We were barely making it by financially but after that it just got worse. You don't know how it feels to be the burden of your family financially. Now I'm in high school but I'm homeschooled and I've just lately been thinking of ending my life because honestly I don't know how I can wake up in the morning an go on with my day. I just want this pain to end and to be happy somehow. I have a little sister who is in elementary school and brings home all a's on her report card and the look on my parents face when they see her report card is a look I wish I could have gotten from my parents. Instead I got a "next time you'll get it" or a "it will be okay". My grades in high school aren't real except the ones that I'm failing and that's because I can't find the answers on yahoo answers or any other site. It makes me feel guilty beyond belief. I don't want to kill myself so I pray every night for god to take my soul somehow, because I don't want to live in this world anymore. I want to die by someone or something but not me I want to die. I'm sorry mom I love you but I can't be the man you want me to be you gave me love unconditionally, and all I gave you was crap an lies. And dad I'm sorry I can't make you proud, you are a very smart man I wish I could be as smart as you them I wouldn't have to wright this letter. I'm sorry mom and dad please understand that I love you but I can't go on living a lie. I wish I could've been that attorney that I said I wanted to be and make you proud but I'm just gonna end up homeless if I keep up school. Goodbye mom and dad Im sorry an I love you. Your son. James Lopez


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By anonymous at 01,Jan,12 22:30

Don't kill yourself honey. Things do suck when ur in school but they will get better. I know everyone says that and u probably think I'm just lying but it really does. You'll grow up, get a job and have a family of ur own someday. It's a proven fact that every person that commits suicide leaves at least 5 or 6 people behind. If u think ur suffering now, u need to think about the people that you care about suffering. They are the ones that have to pick up the pieces of their broken hearts. Some will never fully get it back together. Your parents would probably be those that never recovered. I know life is a struggle at times but try to find one good thing about something a day. Soon u will find more and more good things. I don't know what ur home life is like but I'm sure your parents would rather have u here alive, getting into trouble, and making bad grades than not at all. It sounds like u have decent parents that love u. A mothers love, being a mother myself, no matter how bad things get no matter how many mistakes u make no matter what, is unconditional. Just think about what I have said honey. I hope u understand how important u are. Remember no matter how bad things get there is always someone who has it worse. About u fighting and things, people can change. It's not set in stone that u have to be that person. U just have to set ur mind to it. As far as ur friends go, if they don't like the new you than they weren't much of friends in the first place. Don't let ppl bring u down cause there are a lot of people that are against u and everyone else. They breathe just to see ppl fail...so prove them wrong and to hell with them. Stay true to urself and don't worry what other ppl think. I hope I helped. I hope u listen to my words because I have been affected by my mothers suicide. I wish there was more I could do or say. Best of luck and wishes to u. Remember that YOU ARE important :) I hope this made u smile even if it was only a little one. My name is Sarah btw.


By anonymous at 02,Jan,12 07:33

Hey bro, hope ur getting better. I think you need to have a discussion with your parents one night about how sorry you are. They need to that you love them. Also don't worry about your grades. Become a builder/electrician/plumber??? Heaps of money in that. And if your weight is still an issue stay of the junk and walk/jog for 30 mins a day. Good luck mate, ur time will soon come and u will be happy. Hopefully mine comes soon as well :)


By anonymous at 06,Jan,12 02:43

hey cute little bro,don't worry u are the best.Keep doing good things.& wishing for better life.


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