My name is James Lopez I am 15 years old. My life so far has been nothing but a string of depressing events starting from the day I got into elementary school. As a child I always got into trouble but I went to a school where no matter how old you were it wasn't cute if you did something wrong and so since I was a child who frequently got into trouble my principle said to my face at the age of 5 I wasn't going to become a good person. I think she was right. I was never a smart or good looking person in school I was obese and got bullied for it all of my elementary years. And I wasn't a smart child either. My grades now and then were barely enough to get me to the next grade. Then came my middle school years in 6th grade the bullying only got worse about my weight so in 6th grade I decided to starve my self until I lost pounds eventually I got skinny and was a little bit more noticed by the general crowd. But I had no friends so I had to follow and things that I normally wouldn't in order to gain what I thought to be at the time as "friends". I got into fights, stole things from the school, and got suspended almost regularly. And my parents (bless their hearts) always tried to comfort me even though I did not want them to. I hated them for reasons I do not know I just did not want to be around them even though they just wanted to see me smile again. I got into a fight so bad that I was expelled from school and the kid who I fought filed charges against me and my parents had to pay the price. We were barely making it by financially but after that it just got worse. You don't know how it feels to be the burden of your family financially. Now I'm in high school but I'm homeschooled and I've just lately been thinking of ending my life because honestly I don't know how I can wake up in the morning an go on with my day. I just want this pain to end and to be happy somehow. I have a little sister who is in elementary school and brings home all a's on her report card and the look on my parents face when they see her report card is a look I wish I could have gotten from my parents. Instead I got a "next time you'll get it" or a "it will be okay". My grades in high school aren't real except the ones that I'm failing and that's because I can't find the answers on yahoo answers or any other site. It makes me feel guilty beyond belief. I don't want to kill myself so I pray every night for god to take my soul somehow, because I don't want to live in this world anymore. I want to die by someone or something but not me I want to die. I'm sorry mom I love you but I can't be the man you want me to be you gave me love unconditionally, and all I gave you was crap an lies. And dad I'm sorry I can't make you proud, you are a very smart man I wish I could be as smart as you them I wouldn't have to wright this letter. I'm sorry mom and dad please understand that I love you but I can't go on living a lie. I wish I could've been that attorney that I said I wanted to be and make you proud but I'm just gonna end up homeless if I keep up school. Goodbye mom and dad Im sorry an I love you. Your son. James Lopez | |
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