Hello there, you can call me GreyVirus. Today i stumbled upon this site due to being depressed more then usual and hoping to find serendipity in other peoples stories.
Here is my story. I was born in Russia, my mom and dad stayed together till i was 7, they got a divorce because my mother is a very difficult and selfish person who is very controlling and in spite got a divorce with my dad because he liked to party and stay out late. I liked my dad, he was really easy going and cool, never got mad at me for anything unlike my mom who whooped my arse for anything i did, but we weren't super close as i was just a kid.
Then i moved to the Ural mountains and stayed with my grandparents and later aunt who were wonderful people and it was the best time of my life, i also seen a Ufo for 6 hours fishing with my grandpa who i dearly love, yeah it was epic. During that time my mother moved to USA and married some Jew who ended up ripping her off. Anyhow she came back to get me from Russia a few years later and promised i would be back to see my relatives next summer, needles to say that never happened for 11 years now. My grandma died and my grandpa is very old now and i really want to see him its killing me how much i love and miss him and i have no way to go back.
I had an OK job for 5 years here, i hated it because they were very dishonest and nasty people (owners) even tho i was like family to them i was always cut short of everything. So eventually i got fed up and told them to fuck off, after 3 years on my own i had to move back with my mother which since has been a complete nightmare. Also when i was moving out i was late on 1 month rent witch at time was ok with the manager lady, since then they fired her and sent me a letter 7 month later asking to pay $5,670 because they didn't rent the apartment out for that period!!!!(it was in good shape when i left too)!!!!!!!!!
I've been trying to find a Job for a year now with no avail, I also got some college and a Draftsman 3D engineering Certificate which does me little good. In desperation i applied for the military in hopes at the shot of new life however when i was 16 my mother called the cops on me and reported a simple assault because i was acting aggressive, military pulled it up and now after writing a letter they send I'm waiting on my most likely denial. Yet again another hope and dream ruined. My whole life everything has been a ridiculous struggle, nothing ever seems to be easy, even the simple things always go wrong over and over like a bad dream. I used to smoke weed for fun and it seemed to be helping overcome failures and put me in better thinking and mood, but i haven't done it in over 6 months and just drink beer now every couple days. I haven't had a gf for a year now since my last one left me after a brief few months of constant sex, she was using me for sex for most part, but i can live with that lol.
Right now i'm 24 and really starting to think about my future and want to have a family, live somewhere away from the city, i hate city life. However when i look at my opportunities and crushed dreams i often feel as suicide may be the answer. The only true happiness ive found is video games Skyrim, beer and nature, all those things and yes, the hope for some global change in 2012 as well. If im still in this dark hole and nothing happens in 2012, im taking the shortcut for sure :).....we all going to get there anyways so why wait and suffer when you can take the express lane :D. Anyhow thanks for reading and i wish you all the very best my friends as i feel your pain and frustration when the pain grows and gnarls at our very souls. Good luck, and i hope we dont lose hope in hope.
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