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My sad, pathetic life...

Posted by anonymous at December 8, 2011
Tags: Attitude  2011 December

I'm a 20 year old loser. I have no friends at all. I am too pathetic to even have a facebook because I would struggle to get more than 10 friends. I am the definiton of a leech. I don't go to school or work. I live with my mother, my 17 year old girlfriend, and our 2 year old son. I had one really good friend throughout my life. We had been best friends since the second grade. Well, he died from a lifelong battle with cystic fibrosis this April. I feel lost and have no one that I can really talk to like we did. My father and his entire side of the family have disowned me since I was about 15. I feel like my girlfriend is just using me for a stable place to live and my mother's money. Because she has nowhere else to go because her mother is dead and her father is incarcerated. I feel that once she is out of college and making good money she will drop me like nothing. I have no rights to my son because I am not on his birth certificate because it would lead to legal problems for me. I hate life. I hate being a leech. I hate that my son will not be able to look up to me and be proud of me because I am a fucking failure. I cannot stand the thought of another guy being in the picture and trying to raise my son. I would feel like blowing his and my girlfriend's brains out with my AK-47. But what would that solve? That would leave my son with a dead mother and an incarcerated father, just like she grew up with. I am socially awkward. Hate being out in public. I feel like the only thing I do right is be there for my son. I take great care of him and stay home with him every day while my girlfriend is at school or work. I love him so much and want him to have a good life. I feel like such a failure for not going to college and making something of myself, but I hate social situations so much. I get sick to my stomach and often get diarrhea. Oh, and by the way. My mother is an alcoholic and I worry about her losing her nursing job every day. If that happens, we will all be fucked! So bottom line is: I'm a piece of shit, going nowhere in life, my girlfriend will probably leave me within a couple of years, I have no income, and no ambition. Before I had my son I was too much of a coward to kill myself. Now I wouldn't even think of it because I want to be there for him as much as possible. I don't know what to do...


Votes:


Similar Entries:
untitled story January 28, 2012
Karma is a Bitch October 10, 2011
Pessimistic introvert June 8, 2012
Im so pathetic its sad.. really.. April 16, 2012
untitled story April 1, 2012



New Comment

Comments:
By anonymous at 09,Jan,12 22:29

Man I'm about 20 and never had a girlfriend.... but yea it feels like I can't do shit in this god forsaken world
By anonymous at 09,Jan,12 22:46

It looks like you have already figured out that you aren't happy. The next step, my friend, is to change your life. Little steps. Tiny changes at a time. They add up. First step, get over your fear of public situations. Your son is going to pick that up from you. He needs to see his father as confident. He needs his father to be a rock. You just have to "push" past it. Force it. Get sick. Get scared. It will get easier, and easier, and then the fear won't exist anymore. Stop blaming others for your problems and lack of security. You can fix this, man. You lied when you said you have no ambition...you have ambition enough to say these things. Now prove to your son that you can do this for the both of you. No one said it would be easy...but you need to make it easier for your son's sake. You can do it.
By anonymous at 09,Jul,12 13:50 Fold Up

I feel trapped in a corner with no possible way of escape..


By anonymous at 10,Jan,12 13:15

TIME TO MAN UP,Stop ur whining or everything u think is gonna happen actually will. Get a job it doesn't matter where. u need to work and be productive. get ur foot in the door somewhere. This will be the first step to being a man and contributing to ur family. It will make you feel good and your gf might actually start to respect you.Work out ur lucky to have ur health so take care of yourself some people dont have as much as you,be thankful for what you have.Even if you cant go to a gym. Do sit ups and push ups everyday the endorphins released will make you feel good and the girls might start to notice you more. Pursue your religious convictions. Im not overly religious but always carry a crucifix, it helps me to believe there is a higher power. Stick with the plan your son and family needs you. Good luck, life is good


By anonymous at 10,Jan,12 15:23

man up there is no one who can tell you you can't make it be happy to be alive


By anonymous at 12,Jan,12 13:26

:O~GO SUCK YOUR NUTS
By anonymous at 16,Jan,12 18:29

Suck ya own nuts, FAGGOT!


By anonymous at 03,Sep,12 01:39

Thank you


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