Don't know why I'm writing this but I will anyway, may do some good to get it off my chest.
Theres a girl at work who I have fallen madly in love with. It started off about 6 months ago when a few of us including her would go out for a few drinks after work a few times a week. Nights used to start off with a few of us but most nights the rest of them would go home after an hour or so and it always ended up just me and her left, we would sit and chat about all sorts of stuff including her telling me how her boyfriend doesnt do anything around the house isnt interested in settling down etc., he works late shifts regularly and doesnt get home until the middle of the night.
Anyway this has been going on for a while now we go out when he's at work and were getting very close going out to clubs dancing, hugging holding hands etc. never anything thing serious though which I said I wouldn't do since she was with somebody else. I'd stay at her place sleeping on the sofa on one occasion she said if he said anything about me being there she would throw him out as the place is in her name. Over time i knew I liked her a lot but didn't realise how much until I got a text from her on new years day saying her boyfriend had asked her to marry him and she had said yes and it felt like somebody had torn my heart out. This is when I realised how much I love her.
Well after this I thought that the nights out would stop but for some reason I still end up out with her on a regular basis, I have since told her how I feel to which she said that it was probably a crush because I have been single for a while, anyway I just sort of agreed with her but I know she knows its not. Now I'm more confused than ever, she keeps saying stuff like she will help me find a nice girl but hasn't made any effort to do so. I'll go out with friends to clubs etc. and she will go out with her friends asking me where I'm going to be before hand as though she is trying to avoid me but later on in the night I'll get a text asking me where I am and we'll end up together until the club shuts. Things have been starting to get awkward between us though as I enjoy every minute I spend with her when we are out but the next day at work I feel all depressed about her being with somebody else, I have to work closely with her everyday and people at work have started noticing including the management so much so that I'm in a bit of trouble at work because of it. A few of my close friends at work know how I feel and are pretty supportive and I'm trying my best to hide it but somedays it just comes out and I'll be on a real downer all day and be off with her hardly speaking to her unless I have to.
A few weeks back we were out seperatly but met up and I ended up having an argument with her but have no idea what I said as I was really drunk at the time the next morning she texted me to see if I was ok and we had a big heart to heart during which she told me she loved her boyfriend and was with him for life, I went out with friends for my birthday a week later she sent me a text in the morning saying she was sorry she couldn't come out and that she really wanted to celebrate my birthday with me, I went out as planned and she turned up with a friend I stayed with my friends for a change and decided not to get too close, as I was beginning to think I had been used to make her boyfriend jealous and get him to do what she wanted but the fact that its still going on after he proposed makes me think unsure as when we go out she always says not to let on it was just the 2 of us out. Which brings us upto to last night I had to go to her engagement party went a long with a friend from work and only stayed an hour as it hurt me bad and I knew if I ended up too drunk there was a good chance of me causing a scene, we went off into town afterwards and later that night she sent me a text asking where we were as she was coming into town too. I get so many mixed signals from her its driving me crazy she was off work on holiday last week so I was quite glad I didn't have to see her even though I missed her but but she still got in touch via facebook.
Well thats my story Im in love with a girl that I can't have that I have to spend 9 hours a day with and its tearing me apart, and it maybe wishful thinking on my behalf but I'm not sure she is 100% into the whole engagement thing.