LIFE SUCKS

I have moon and sun both at once. but still my world is dark..

i am 23. married. my husband works abroad. he's a surgeon. very simple man. i got married to him one year back. in last december. he loves me like nothing because i was his 1st love. but for me, he was the path to get over the hard part of my life. he's older than me for 12 years. i had a serious love affair with a guy for five years and i was tired of the fights we went through as my parents didn't like him at all. then i broke up with him and got on with this doctor. everyone of my family liked him a lot! then he had to go abroad for his foreign training, leaving me alone. i was asked by him to pause my degree for to years and go with him but i refused. i had chosen to stay alone. but then life was really hard and alone. then one guy from my past childhood came along. he and me once had a crush on eachother at Sunday school in the church. He still liked me. He talked with me, listened to me, and he was amused by my arrival in his life. I cheated on my husband. I started going out with him. But not literary. Because he lives in some other country. Its complicated. I know. I made it so. He loves me and now he hates my husband. he doesn't want me to even talk with my husband. i can't get a divorce until i finish my undergraduate to do a job. because my parents won't let me live with them if i do so. This 3rd guy is very tough kind. Not the one i saw at the beginning. he loves me but he always says, ''i want to control you'' That's where it is now. my life... it's dark.. P.S. my 1st boyfriend called lately and i told him about the new affair.