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not a california girl

Posted by anonymous at December 13, 2011
Tags: Attitude  Independent circumstances  2011 December

It sucks being the ugly one in the family who inherits all the crappy genes (crappy metabolism, gaping pores, butt like spongebob, eyes too close together so I actually resemble that squid from spongebob, arms like a gorilla). And I'm a 22 y/o female stuck living in an area filled with hot, gorgeous imported girls who wear Chanel make up and bebe clothes. Thanks to my low self esteem I ended up with a guy who is no good for me. He used to be physically abusive and now is only emotionally abusive. He is controlling and it feels horrid to be treated like shit and the only way to calm myself down is to hit myself over the head repeatedly because it calms me down. I want to leave but before I can I need to finish school. Our relationship has gotten better since he works nights and I'm at school all morning. We also have a baby together who has not witnessed how awful our relationship is and who I plan on taking and running as soon as I graduate. Anyways back to my hideousness.... I think my ugliness held me back in life. As soon as some loser high school dropout asked me out when I was a teenager I jumped at the chance because no guy ever even had an interest in me. What sucks is even that guy has never called me beautiful. He has gawked at all those beautiful girls in their stilletos shopping for lettuce and whenever we go out he is always looking at them. Before we started dating he would comment on how gorgeous a girl was or whenever we watched movies he would gush over how perfect some actress was. But me; no matter how much make up I try and hide behind or nice clothes ugly cannot be hidden. I fantasize about being beautiful. I imagine losing 40 lbs (which Im currently doing through the use of an appetite suppressant and gym membership), financing a nosejob, tummy tuck, breast lift with a nice D cup insertion and juggling work and being a good mom. And my boyfriend also just so happens to enjoy porn displaying actresses with perfect silicone tits, gargantuan toned asses, long black hair, and what is absolutely necessary in his porno- A PERFECT BEAUTIFUL FACE. Yeah, a girl like that wouldnt screw his lame, retarded ass unless he paid her. I cant even have sex with him anymore. Since I'm such a hideous cow all I can really do is try not to eat fatty carbs, get A's in my current college program so I can appy to grad school (to support my shallow fantasies and make me feel like a powerful woman), and find a way to be a good mom and try not to become so stressed out my periauricular lymph nodes dont swell to the size of marbles. On my quest to my ideal self, my fantasy of being the size 6 girl with the good GPA with the perfect skin and white teeth I have developed a stress induced physical disorder that causes me much distress and made asprin and antacids my bestfriends (and yes I know the two dont mix). Being perfect isnt impossible. It's just hardwork and I hope that one day I can achieve the standards I have set for myself. I am surrounded by girls who are pretty, juggle kids, studies, sleep deprivation, cardio, restriced diets, exfoliating, and part time jobs and hope to one day be among their ranks. And that concludes my rant filled with whines of lack of self esteem and a need for antidepressants. :)


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By at 16,Jan,12 08:28

Dont hit your-self, hit your moving opponent. Self harm on the head kills brain cell.

Learn kick boxing or Muay Thai, your good weight can make gorilla punch hurt. The physical training will make you fit and skinny in time. Once mastered the art in that club in your uni, then you can hit for your own safety when the chance comes. Remember to punch like a man!

A mum? hmmm Graduate, then make kid with that kind of a man? Remain fat for life? Tell your employer you left work for kid after graduation???No, dont do it, not so soon. Make that kid when you have paid your house halfway, and you have found a good man who completes your life. If it's too late, then you can adopt one like Angelina Jolie does, you dont have to take on that labour.

Remember DINK, double Income No Kid. Have some pets.

By Cherry at 15,May,17 02:28

I have not checked in here for some time since I thought it was getting boring, but the last few posts are good quality so I guess I will add you back to my daily blosligt. You deserve it my friend

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