I am survivor of repeated childhood molestation along with physical and mental abuse, I was told my father was dead until I was 18 so that my mother could keep me there to releive some of the abuse my step father did to her. I was sold for drugs, made to solicit money, raised my siblings, went days without food, and seen my little sister murdered because i told about the sexual abuse. I was finally put in a foster fmaily only to be bullied and threatened at school, I cut school and was raped at gun point. I moved away for high school and my high school boyrfriend hung himself. I then somehow managed to get married to a man who thought it was a great idea to wake me up with his hand between my legs even though he knew about the abuse. When he wasnt terrorizing me at night he was running around with half the town or on the phone with phone sex operators at 9.99 a minute. Anyway ten years and three beautiful children later, and more affairs than I could keep track of I finally left. I moved home to be with family and I dont fit in in either side, to good for my moms side, not good enough for my dad's. My children dont listen. I was working and the guy who raped me in high school showed up and I had a panic attack and ended up losing the job, havent been able to keep a job since. I just started on medication for anxiety and depression, I am months behind on all my bills and will probably get evicted soon. I also have no way to provide christmas for my three children and the one thing they really wanted thier dad has promised and lied about for over a year. I feel like a failure to my children, to myself, and just in general. I cant seem to get ahead, I have had three knee injuries/surgeries in two years, I am morbidly obese, and I feel worhtless. If it were not for my children I would have found a way to end it all by now.