I find myself hitting a new low in life. My boyfriend of one year has to lied to me, saying he is busy with work so he can hang out with friends. I don't mind him hanging with friends, I find it great. I just wish he would tell me upfront that is what he is doing instead of telling me he working doubles at his job. I wish my boyfriend didn't had to come down to this to avoid me. It makes me feel terrible.
I find myself texting my ex-boyfriend, a man who I once loved so much who cheated on me and broke up with me, to just have someone to talk to. I hate myself for this but all my other friends ignore me. I try to better my life by making new friends, branching out there into the world. These new friends of mine one day started to ignore me completely. They even pretend that our friendship never happen. Other times they pretend we are still friends, but never asked me if I would like to hang out. I try to reconnect with some old friends from college. They never once talked to me since we all graduated from college unless I contact them first. In fact they only time I talk to them is because I am the one reaching out to them. Otherwise they will never talk to me.
I don't get along with my family. My dad walked out four years ago and since then never been a huge part of my life anymore. My mother, burden with all these problems the divorce brought on, takes her anger out of me. Since I am the only one in the house, I am the only person she can scream, throw stuff at and belittle to make herself feel better. I feel hated. I wish I had the money to move out but I don't. My only sister, who is always away at college, hates me as well. Apparently I posted something on Facebook about her boyfriend that was very nasty. I never did. A friend of my sister told her this and even since then, she had been holding this grudge against me. My sister never saw the post for herself but believe her friend. I didn't find about this until a year later. I confronted my sister about this and she told me,"I trust my friends way before I will ever trust you." Glad my sister have zero trust in me.
I find myself more depressed. I find myself lonely. I hate it. I keep trying to better myself and my life by going back to college and trying to make new friends. It just seems no matter what I do, I end up at the same spot I was before, sometimes even worse than where I was.
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