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near, but so very far...

Posted by island1979 at December 16, 2011
Tags: 2011 December  Family  Loneliness

I am alone. My father casted me aside and my mother is a drunk. My brother lives sucessfully in another country and though we are in contact he knows little about me. I have friends, but can not seem to trust someone enough to let them in. My boyfriend of 6 years battles with me constantly and I have come to the realization that we stay together because otherwise we would both literally be alone. At times I feel like giving up, like most do. Typically I find myself zoning out to the television; dead inside. I think nothing. I feel nothing. It amazes me because I am quite the actor. Most people would be shocked to know how I feel inside. I am tired, so very tired of it all. I am afraid that one day I may make the worst mistake... I just want to be happy, but how? I honestly have no interests, hobbies, or desire to do anything. This is not healthy and I know it. When I hit these low periods I am so ashamed with my weakness and lack of control. I wallow in self pity, eventually faking it to myself that I am well. That's it, I realize I am no longer able to fake it. I'm 32 and cannot recall a period where I have been happy for even a remote period of time. I know there are many who are worse off and I am not entirely clear as to why I am even typing this. I am just alone, sad, and very tire.


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Comments:
By anonymous at 19,Jan,12 15:16

try to do anything at all any little thing you like or wana try, you sound same as i am, i do nothing and have nothing i want to do i tried a some things but still nothing, only finished school now so kinda on my own, tho cuz of my past i cant trust anyone haha i am wierd but try do something you like even if its something small
hope you have some luck


By anonymous at 19,Jan,12 23:03

i like pie...
i hopeing that helping u alots
i love u bye


By anonymous at 20,Jan,12 16:16

well have you ever thought that maybe this is depression??
It's not your fault, not so much your past, you are already 32 with your own life..
maybe you should seriously consider seeing a psychologist first, loosing interest also relates to depression..
you can try doing things, puss maybe your self to be motivated and try to make some new friends but i don't know if this helps. if you can't recall any happy period in your life and you can't improve you life on your own you may have to see a psychologist, there are some free, some organizations offer support too..
if you want this thing to end take the decision and search for help..
there are also available online quizes for depression some of them are medical , you don't have to loose anything if you try...
exercise, aerobic, zumba, dance also help depression..
eating pasta helps as well..
By anonymous at 29,Jan,12 18:01

PIE!!!!


By anonymous at 29,Sep,12 01:34

Try letting out what you really feel think about what you really want and do what u need to do


By anonymous at 24,Mar,13 02:56

And this is why Western society fucking sucks. You're expected to fake it and stare at the television even if you feel dead inside.
Well I dunno about you guys, but I kinda feel done with it! Fuck the system!


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