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imprisioned by myself

Posted by Alone girl at December 18, 2011
Tags: 2011 December  Juvenile problems

ok i don't know if my life sucks but i think it does. i am 17 and i am in fostercare. independently i have someone look after me sometimes. a man, and i am a girl, he is mean, he hits me, hurts me, uses me, i am a slave to his every desire. i am nothing. my dad is a pedophile, and sick in the head and he reaks of insanity. my mothers first priority is heroine, then sex, then money. a never ending cycle. she has walls built so high and strong closing n on her and it blocks me from loving her, he doesnt love me, she hates me and she makes it noticed, by everyone. i have a hard time at school. i get beat up alot, i stutter, i get called mean names. i dont defend myself because i refuse to go as low as the people that hurt me. i beleive i am nothing and that i am a worthless peice of garbage. my influences around me are bad and i have only one rolemodel in a different country. my dad hates me, he wants me to die. i blanked out a total year in my life and i dont know why, i just cant remember it. its like i woke up one day and it was a year later (long sleep maybe). i live in my own house but that doesnt stop my humiliation and constant lack of affection, i give myself away because its what i do to make people like me. i cry alot it makes me look weak. im dying inside, sometimes i just want to leave the world, forever, its like i dont belong, like im alienated from everyone because im so diffrent. but i do have one good friend so aybe im not so alone. but he is half way accross the world, im just scared he will leave too if i get to be too much of a burden. ive learned that people always leave because of me. i ruin peoples lives when i dont speak, i make everyone miserable when i cry, and i just want someone to care about me and i want confirmation that they wont leave. where do u find that? in yourself? in jesus. i cant depend on myself because i cant protect myself. i cant depend on Jesus because he lets my hurt continue. i trust one person in my life right now. half way across the world i know someone cares and i guess thats all i need for security.


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Comments:
By anonymous at 20,Jan,12 11:04

Your spelling is terrible.


By at 21,Jan,12 04:41

I care about you.


By at 24,Jan,12 12:34

@ anonymous...You're a fucking BITCH! This girl feels bad enough as it is and your stupid CUNT ASS is going to try to degrade her and make her feel worse?! YOU FUCKING CUNT!!!! YUH FUCKING RAASHOOLEEE IDIOT!!!! FUCK YOU YOU STINKING BITCH!!! GO AND SUCK OUT YUH MODA! GO and get a life!


By seo for cheap at 22,Mar,14 13:04

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